(Dark Koopa yawns.)

Dark Koopa: I feel like I haven't done an Interview in eight months.

Thumbs: You haven't.

Dark Koopa: Oh.

Thumbs: This reminds me of something...

(The screen gets all watery, indicating a flashback.)

Delrin: Outta my way, birdie!

(Siro shoots at Delrin as he passes by.)

Siro: I HATE YOU, DELRIN, AND BY SHOOTING AT YOU AND SHOUTING THIS, I AM EXPRESSING SAID HATE!

(Delrin was already gone, so Siro nearly shoots Sonata, or a Sonata depending on who's reading this.)

Siro: YOU ARE NOT DELRIN AND NORMALLY I'D ENJOY THAT, BUT I WISH TO HARM DELRIN AND AS PREVIOUSLY MENTIONED, YOU ARE NOT HIM!

Dark Koopa: What did that have to with the current situation?

Thumbs: RPG reference.

Dark Koopa: Ohh, like me and Siro's tricycle montages, though I still don't know what that has to do with the current situation.

(Dark Koopa is hit with a crate.)

Dark Koopa: Ow!

Regal: You should never break the fourth wall, chap.

Dark Koopa: But Thumbs broke the fourth wall.

(Dark Koopa is hit with another crate.)

Dark Koopa: Ow!

Thumbs: Should I bring in the first candidate?

Dark Koopa: Sure, sure.

Lemmy: Candidate for what? You never tell me anything anymore. I'm your boss. I deserve to know such things. I demand information!

Dark Koopa: I don't tell you anything because I hate you, though I can't remember why...

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Dark Koopa: Thanks for the reminder. Anyhow, I'm hiring a new security guard because Pink left. I don't remember why. I think it had something to do with a pair of pliers and a ham sandwich... or something.

Thumbs: Here comes the first candidate.

(A robotic Yoshi comes out and fires a laser into the audience, killing a few audience members. Many others run off.)

Dark Koopa: Not bad... but we can't hear them scream in pain, which means I'll have to refund those earmuffs. Anyway, are you intelligent?

Rebo Yoshi: I am Rebo Yoshi.

Dark Koopa: So that's a no?

Rebo Yoshi: I am Rebo Yoshi.

Dark Koopa: Thought so. Okay, you get one Interview to show me what you can do.

Rebo Yoshi: I am Rebo Yoshi.

Dark Koopa: Lovely. That aside, it's time for our interviewee. Thumbs?

Thumbs: What?

Dark Koopa: Interviewee?

Thumbs: You mean the person in the chair?

Dark Koopa: Yes.

Thumbs: Kammy. Couldn't you have figured that out yourself?

Dark Koopa: Yes, but I'd rather pay you a good portion of what I make so you can say it for me.

(Silence...)

Thumbs: Well, I have no complaints.

(Thumbs sips a slushie.)

Kammy: Interview, yes?

Dark Koopa: Why yes, you are old. Thanks for reminding me.

Kammy: I am not old!

Dark Koopa: You sure look old. Your hair is gray and everything. How can you not be old?

Kammy: It's simply a battle strategy.

Dark Koopa: Huh?

Kammy: I make myself look old so my opponent holds back, thinking I'm a frail little old lady.

Dark Koopa: Doesn't work often, does it?

Kammy: Nope.

Dark Koopa: How old are you then?

Kammy: Twenty-nine.

Dark Koopa: Wow, so your hair isn't really gray?

Kammy: Nope, I dyed it.

Dark Koopa: So what color is it?

Kammy: Blonde.

Dark Koopa: That thought scares me.

Rebo Yoshi: I am Rebo Yoshi.

Wario: Shut up!

Dark Koopa: So... Why did you replace Kamek?

Kammy: He was losing his magic abilities due to age.

Dark Koopa: So Bowser replaced him with a Magikoopa who makes yellow blocks and lies about her age. Now I see.

(Kammy smacks Dark Koopa with a wrapped up newspaper.)

Kammy: I'm not lying about my age! And are you calling me weak?

Dark Koopa: Well, yeah. You only had like 10 HP in the first Paper Mario. That's less than a regular Magikoopa.

Kammy: But I had 50 HP in Paper Mario 2.

Dark Koopa: Yeah... Why the sudden increase in power?

Kammy: Well, after the events of Paper Mario, I went through some heavy training.

Dark Koopa: Which was?

Kammy: Lifting yellow blocks.

(Dark Koopa can be seen rolling on the floor, laughing.)

Kammy: Hey! At least I got stronger! Unlike you!

Dark Koopa: Nintendo took away my dizzy attack! It's what made me unique! It's not fair, I tell ya!

Rebo Yoshi: I am Rebo Yoshi.

Wario: You're making me insane!

Thumbs: I just realized Wario is the only audience member. My question is why.

Wario: I'm looting the dead. Nyeheheh.

Thumbs: Wouldn't their stuff be vaporized too?

(The stuff in Wario's hands vanishes.)

Wario: Darn it!

Dark Koopa: At the end of Paper Mario, you were seen battling Jr. Troopa in the parade. What was that all about?

Kammy: We were just having a practice battle. Troopa wanted to show me the magic attacks he learned. Unfortunatly, we picked a bad time to have that battle...

Dark Koopa: Can you explain why you seemed less intelligent in Paper Mario 2?

Kammy: Of course. While I was lifting those yellow blocks in my training-

Dark Koopa: *snicker* ... Go on.

Kammy: ... -I was hit in the head with one. The following injury made me act kind of, well, stupid.

Dark Koopa: I see. Seemed like you and Bowser switched roles or something in the two Paper Marios.

Lemmy: *gasp* You called King Dad stupid! And despite how true that is, I'm telling him!

(Lemmy rolls off.)

Dark Koopa: Well, I'm sure that'll get me fired, so that's all we have for today.

Thumbs: What about Rebo Yoshi?

Rebo Yoshi: I am Rebo Yoshi.

Thumbs: Yeah... Is it gonna be the new security guard?

Dark Koopa: No. Rebo Yoshi phails with a PH...D. Heheh, get it? X-Naut PhD?

(Crickets chirp.)

Dark Koopa: It appears we still have crickets in the audience.

Wario: Mine!

(Wario attempts to pickpocket the crickets, but is pounded into a pulp by them.)

Wario: Ugh... End... transmission...