Silver: Remind me why I'm here again.

Dark Koopa: Because if you don't do this for me, I'll inject this really big needle into you.

Silver: *grumble* Fine, fine...

Dark Koopa: Yes, now bring in Cortez, the guy you've had a history with.

Silver: Okay... Where is he, anyway?

Dark Koopa: How should I know?

Somewhere...

Pura: Give me the Crystal Star!

Cortez: I don't have it, Senorita!

Pura: I said give it!

Cortez: Don't have it.

Pura: Give it!

Cortez: Don't have it.

(This goes on for a while... Meanwhile, Silver is asleep in the interviewer's chair.)

Dark Koopa: Why are you sleeping? Cortez is over there arguing in the audience.

Lemmy: Let me wake him up!

Dark Koopa: Fine.

(Lemmy puts a megaphone on the side of Silver's head and yells into it. Nothing happens.)

Lemmy: Hey!

Dark Koopa: Turn it around...

(Lemmy does so.)

Lemmy: (yelling into the megaphone) LEMMY'S INTERVIEW SHOW!

(Nothing happens.)

Dark Koopa: You forget Yoshis don't have ears.

Lemmy: Then how do they hear anything?

Bill Nye: Science!

Dark Koopa: Nuh uh! Magic!

Silver: Yes. A wizard did it.

Dark Koopa: That's it. I'm killing science.

Bill Nye: Science!

Dark Koopa: Shut up!

(Dark Koopa runs out of the studio.)

Silver: And I was going to ask him what he thought of my life-sized Silver doll. Oh well.

(Silver throws the doll backstage and sits down. Lots of breaking noises are heard.)

Silver: Cortez! Get up here!

Pura: You heard the man!

Cortez: Fine, hombre.

(Cortez kills half the audience and goes onstage.)

Silver: So... how old are ya?

Cortez: I'm dead.

Silver: ... Oh. Well, how long have you been dead?

Cortez: 500 years.

Silver: That number isn't any fun. 500 is way too rounded. I'm gonna say you're 6 years old.

(The rest of the audience points and laughs and start calling Cortez "baby".)

Cortez: ...

(Cortez kills another fourth of the audience.)

Pura: I can't wait until he gets to my section.

Cortez: That purple Yoshi scares me, ya know, esse?

Silver: Well she does like to kill people. But wouldn't a dead person dying be... odd?

Cortez: Yes, and it's also not possible. I'm already dead. I cannot die again.

Pura: Aww nuts.

(Pura stomps out of the studio.)

Silver: Huh. Well then, why are you guarding all that treasure?

Cortez: I worked hard getting all that! I'm not just gonna let somebody take it.

Silver: But wouldn't it be better to rest in peace?

Cortez: That's boring.

***

Dark Koopa: Aha! Science!

(A truck goes by with the word "science" on it.)

Dark Koopa: Kill the science, Pink.

(Pink chases after the truck.)

Thumbs: Hopefully you won't mind me saying this, but this is by far the stupidiest thing you've ever done.

Dark Koopa: ... THUMBS IS SCIENCE! Get him!

(Pink chases Thumbs around.)

***

Silver: Don't make me drop pianos from the ceiling!

Cortez: Um, why?

Silver: I'm not sure.

Cortez: Okay...

Silver: So what happens if someone tries to steal your treasure?

Cortez: They shall suffer unimaginable pain!

(Pura runs into the studio.)

Pura: Suffering? Where's the suffering?!

(Pura starts jumping up and down like a hyper little kid. Well, she technically is a hyper little kid, so...)

Pura: ...

(Pura blasts the narrator with a shadow ball.)

Silver: Never insult Pura.

(I'll try to remember that.)

Silver: You'd better if you value life.

(I don't exist. I'm just text inside parenthesis.)

Thumbs: No you aren't. You're just in the attic, remember?

(Quiet, you!)

Silver: How'd you get here?

Dark Koopa: Silver is science! GET HIM!

(Pink chases Silver around.)

Thumbs: I guess I'll continue from here with audience questions.

Cortez: You're even worse than the last guy!

Silver: (while running) I heard that!

Thumbs: Blah blah blah. Seat 42.

Goomba: Why is your name Cortez?

Cortez: What a stupid question. That's what my parents named me, obviously.

Goomba: Is it your first name or your last name?

Cortez: I, like most other beings on this planet, don't have a last name.

Goomba: So... is it your first name or your last name?

Cortez: *sigh* First, imbecile.

Goomba: What's first?

(Cortez jumps into the audience and mutilates the Goomba.)

Pura: Yes! Suffering!

(Pura jumps up and down like the little hyper kid she is and blasts the narator with a shadow ball again. Ouch.)

Thumbs: Seat 12.

Fuzzy: What species were you before you died? MEORK!

Cortez: I was a human. I used my supernatural powers after I died to become like this.

Dark Koopa: Magic, right?

Cortez: No, sc- I mean yes, magic.

Dark Koopa: Thought so.

Thumbs: Seat 63.

Paratroopa: What happened to your crew?

Cortez: They drowned when our vessel sank.

Paratroopa: How'd it sink?

Cortez: It was brought down by other pirates. I stayed behind to guard our treasure from those black-hearted fiends.

Paratroopa: Who were these pirates?

Cortez: Scottish elves. *shudder*

Dark Koopa: They used magic, right?

Cortez: If by magic you mean cannons and funny accents, then yes.

Dark Koopa: Good.

Thumbs: Seat 57.

Luigi: Why'd you allow Mario to beat you so easily?

Mario: Haha!

Cortez: I really didn't think it was worth it to fight over ALL my treasure. I'm a bit greedy, but I'm not a savage.

(Wario can be seen with a shiny coin.)

Cortez: MINE!

(Cortez and Wario get into a tug of war for the coin, resulting in Wario getting thrown out the window.)

Flavio: Flavio hates you all.

Thumbs: Speaking of Flavio, why didn't you just kill him to take your Skull Gem back?

Cortez: ARGH! I forgot I had those awesome powers at the time!

Thumbs: ...

Dark Koopa: Poser!

Silver: How odd.

Dark Koopa: Weren't you being chased?

Silver: I got bored.

Dark Koopa: Then where's Pink?

Silver: I don't know.

(Pink can be seen chasing that science truck from earlier.)

Flavio: Flavio hates you all.

Cortez: I'll kill Flavio if he doesn't hush.

Flavio: Flavio hates dying.

(Cortez swings a sword at Flavio.)

Flavio: Flavio hates where this is going.

(The rest of this part is censored due to too much violence and pickles.)

Silver: So, where'd you get your weapons from?

Cortez: I received them from my father, and altered them to be more powerful when I died.

Dark Koopa: You did that with magic right?

Cortez: Both magic and science.

Dark Koopa: WHAT?! Pink!

Thumbs: Pink's gone.

Dark Koopa: Grr... fine. Pura! Beat this guy senseless!

Pura: Who? The skeleton guy?

Dark Koopa: Yes. That guy.

(Pura's eyes turn that icy color. Wait... No they don't! Wrong Yoshi!)

Silver: Silly narrator...

(Pura pummels Cortez for a while.)

Pura: Okay, I'm done.

Dark Koopa: Next time you won't say science, will you? ... Hello?

Thumbs: He's dead...

Silver: We already knew that! He's been dead!

Thumbs: I mean dead dead. Like he's not gonna come back to life.

Silver: Before anything else, I'd like to say that I did not do it.

Pura: Yes. It was me.

Dark Koopa: Ha! So he was lying about not being able to die again!

Silver: Tell me, would a Phoenix Down hurt him or heal him?

Dark Koopa: I have no idea.

Silver: So... this is it?

Dark Koopa: Yes... If he was lying about one thing, he musta been lying about everything. This whole Interview is a lie.

Silver: Remember people, this didn't happen.

Dark Koopa: That's right! This wasn't-

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Dark Koopa: -at all!

Thumbs: Then what was it?

Dark Koopa: Why it was-

Silver: End transmission.

Dark Koopa: That works.

Silver: No really, end transmission.

Dark Koopa: Fine! (mumbling) Jerk...

Silver: Pura, beat him up!

Dark Koopa: Noooo! End transmission!

(The last thing seen is Pura dashing toward Dark Koopa before the show ends. But, it is followed by a slate of "End transmission". Problem is, that slate never goes away, so the show never technically ends. So Dark is beat up for eternity. Or at least until the next Interview.)

Dark Koopa: This so unfair...

Silver: HUSH! We're not supposed to be here!

Viewers: End it already!

Dark Koopa and Silver: NEVER!

Cortez: SCIENCE!

Dark Koopa: Die!

(The tape runs out.)

Silver: But we're still here!

Thumbs: Except for Pink. She's still chasing science.

Bill Nye: Science!

(Everyone is smited.)