Lemmy: Alright, I'm taking over this little brigade since Dark's gone.

Pura: And?

Lemmy: Your reign of terror is over.

Thumbs: Yay!

Lemmy: And shall be replaced with a whole new reign of terror.

Thumbs: Yay! Wait...

Pura: Fine by me.

Dasher: I claim this reign of terror in the name of Dasher!

Pink: Can I interview the next person?

Thumbs: Sure, it's Birdo.

Pink: That loser? Yay!

Lemmy: Now, it's time that you follow some of my rules.

(Lemmy unfolds a large list that stretches out the door.)

Lemmy: Rule number one. You must-

Thumbs: Here's Birdo now.

Birdo: Hello!

Audience: Boo...

Boo: They love me!

Lemmy: Hey! I'm in charge, so you gotta listen to-

Pink: So tell us about yourself.

Birdo: Well, I'm-

Lemmy: LISTEN TO ME!

Pink: How rude!

Thumbs: Yeah, just interrupting people like that. For shame.

Lemmy: That's it! Everyone come with me! Now!

Later...

Lemmy: Now sit in that seat and convince Dark Koopa to come back.

Thumbs: Fine. Hey Dark, it's me. I think everything's okay here without you. But I'm just starting to TWEAK out! There's like 50,000 Interviews scheduled on the wall over there! And there's no one around to organize things in a dictatorship fashion!

Lemmy: Ahem.

Thumbs: Except Lemmy. (quietly) But he's lousy at it. I just don't know what to do!

(Thumbs starts choking on the air.)

Thumbs: I'm okay. I'm okay.

***

Pink: So, what's your relationship with Yoshi?

Birdo: We're just good friends.

Pink: But it looks like-

Birdo: Eww! We're different species!

Pink: Okies. Um... how can you spit eggs out of your mouth?

Birdo: I lay them like Yoshis. Before I fight I put a bunch in my mouth.

***

Yellow: Please come back, Dark. Thumbs is going insane and Lemmy's gone power mad. What's worse is that you're the only one who doesn't think I'm a minor character! Please come back before I have to constantly sit in the back! Oh, and sorry for killing you and stuff...

***

Pink: Why do you wear that bow?

Birdo: It makes me look pretty.

Pink: ... Why do ALL Birdos wear bows?

Birdo: They keep our heads warm. We're usually forced to guard cold places for some reason.

***

Iggy: Hi. I um-

Lemmy: NO! That's garbage! What did I tell you about this, Iggy?!

Iggy: WAAAH!

(Iggy tries to run off, but Lemmy grabs him.)

Lemmy: Sit down! Now say "We miss you, Dark."

Iggy: We miss you, Dark.

Lemmy: We hope you come back soon, Dark.

Iggy: But I don't-

Lemmy: Err...

Iggy: We hope you come back soon, Dark.

Lemmy: My favorite interviewer is you, Dark.

Iggy: My favorite interviewer is you, Dark.

Lemmy: Good. Now go sit back in your corner!

Iggy: Good. Now go sit back in your corner!

Lemmy: Cut! Wait a second. Where's Pink?!

Iggy: In my corner?

Lemmy: Shut up!

(Lemmy sits in the chair and takes out a cell phone.)

Lemmy: I guess we'll have to call her up.

Iggy: How did you get Pink's number?

Lemmy: Didn't I tell you to shut up?!

Pink (on the other line): Hello?

Lemmy: Where are you?!

Pink: I'm doing an Interview.

Lemmy: Get over here! Now! We need to say how much you miss Dark.

Pink: I don't miss Dark. And there's no way I'm coming.

Lemmy: Fine! We'll just make you look like a &^%$!

Later...

Iggy: Hey everybody, Pink's here!

(Thumbs floats into the studio, wearing a terrible wig.)

Thumbs: (in a girly voice) Hey guys! I made it!

(Thumbs begins giggling like an idiot.)

Lemmy: Dark would have to be an idiot to believe this is Pink.

Iggy: Hi, Pink. I thought you were at the Interview.

Thumbs: Uhh... *flips through book of Pink's favorite sayings* Quee?

Iggy: Oh.

Lemmy: Well, it's all we got I guess. You're on.

Thumbs: (still in a girly voice) Hello, Dark. It's me, Pink. Pink the Yoshi and not Thumbs if that's what you're thinking 'cause I'm not. I'm Pink.

(Lemmy slaps his forehead.)

Thumbs: Anyway, um... come back. Because I - Pink Yoshi - really miss you and stuff and... um...

(Thumbs flips through the book again.)

Thumbs: Come back or I'll LAY THE SLAPDOWN ON YOU! ... Uh, please?

Lemmy: ... *sigh* He's never coming back.

Thumbs: Hey, you got the lights all set up? Aweeeesome!

Iggy: Since when am I major character in these Interviews?

Lemmy: Get in your corner!

Iggy: Eep!

Lemmy: That's the wrong corner!

Iggy: Sorry!

(Iggy runs into the opposite corner.)

Lemmy: That's better. Now, who's next?

Bluewind: Am I next? Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me. Tell me.

Lemmy: ARGH, shut up! Fine, you can go.

Bluewind: Hey, is that a camera?

(Blue taps the camera and it falls over, breaking.)

Bluewind: Whoops.

***

Pink: Why are your eggs pink?

Birdo: Because that's my skin color. Just like Yoshis, the eggs Birdos lay are the same color as their skin. So a green Birdo would have green eggs, and a red Birdo would have red eggs, and so on.

Pink: To be truthful, eggs creep me out.

Birdo: What would you do to the eggs if you saw them?

Pink: ... Oh, kill them.

Birdo: ... Please wait a moment.

(Birdo is seen hiding a bunch of eggs behind the curtains.)

Birdo: There.

Pink: ... Huh?

Birdo: Oh, nothing..

***

Bowser: Why am I here? I don't even like the guy!

Lemmy: Focus, King Dad!

Bowser: What will you do?

(Lemmy pulls out a diary.)

Bowser: Gah! Uh, we all really miss you and stuff, so come back or something. Now give me back my diary!

Lemmy: Eep!

Thumbs: Hey, a diary. Let me see!

Lemmy and Bowser: NOOOO!!!

Thumbs: I'm right here ya know.

Lemmy and Bowser: Sorry. No.

Thumbs: Anyway. "Dear Diary. Today my wife saw me staring at Peach's picture and grounded me. It made me so upset I had to hug my dolly until I felt better."

Lemmy: ...

Bowser: ...

Thumbs: ...?

Bowser: You're dead!

(Bowser chases Thumbs around, but he quickly gives up because he's slow. And he's fat. And he's ugly. And he's-)

Bowser: What?!

(Bowser beats up the narrator. Ow.)

Susan: My turn! My turn!

Lemmy: Fine. Say something.

Susan: Hi Mom!

Lemmy: Ugh...

Thumbs: ... Wait, Dark is Susan's mom? ... (to camera) Dark, are you hiding something?

Lemmy: ... That's going to make him come back for sure.

Thumbs: Really? You think so?

Lemmy: TO BEAT YOU UP!

(Lemmy chases Thumbs around.)

Thumbs: Well, at least running's good cardio. Though I don't run anyway...

Lemmy: At this rate, Dark's never coming back.

Thumbs: Wait, maybe Al Gore can inspire Dark to return.

Al Gore: I invented returning!

Lemmy: We'll have more of a chance with a Mario.

Mario: It's-a me! Mario!

(Mario starts knawing on the camera.)

Lemmy: CUUUUUT!

***

Pink: So where do you live?

Birdo: We live in Sub-con.

Pink: Why did you guard those doors in Super Mario Bros 2?

Birdo: One day Wart came and told us that these four evil guys were coming to kill us all, so we put Raven-shaped latches on all the level-linking doors and guarded the Crystal Keys.

Pink: Wouldn't it make more sense to hide the key somewhere else rather than right in front of the door?

Birdo: ...

Pink: It's true. Next time don't listen to someone whose name is that of a kind of body mutation. Ew, by the way.

Birdo: Who's making you interview me again?

Pink: Uh... I forget. Anyway, I think you heard this one before, but do Birdos happen to have tongues? Because... that snout of yours isn't a black hole, is it?

Birdo: Of course we do. How do you think we talk cleary?

Pink: Good point.

Birdo: Yes. Yes it is.

Pink: *sigh* Audience questions. Seat 56.

...

Pink: Where'd the audience go?

***

Random Audience Member: What are we doing here?! This room is cramped!

Audience Member 2: Yeah! It smells!

Lemmy: Say something to make Dark come back and then we'll talk about letting you go back to the pointless Interview.

Yellow: But I already said something!

Lemmy: The other audience members...

Audience Member 2: Come back, because we love to boo you! How's that?

Lemmy: Ugh...

(Lemmy sits in fornt of the camera while Thumbs hold a boom mic over his head.)

*SMACK*

Lemmy: Thumbs, you stop. I'll make you sit in time out. Anyway, Dark, you need to come back, because everyone around here are just a bunch of %$#@.

*SMACK*

Lemmy: Especially Thumbs. Anyways, I hope you get this message because- Yellow! Sit down!

*SMACK*

Lemmy: Quit it Thumbs!

(Mario starts hola dancing in front of Lemmy.)

Lemmy: You see what I'm dealing with here, Dark?!

*SMACK*

Lemmy: That's it! I'm not dealing with this, you guys! That's enough! COME ON!

*SMACK*

Lemmy: I'm out of here!

(Lemmy grabs the boom mic and throws it across the room, before walking out of the studio.)

Back at the Interview...

Pink: No audience questions. So I guess I'll beat you up now.

(Birdo runs out of the studio.)

Pink: Darn.

(Dark Koopa walks into the studio.)

Pink: What are you doing here?

Dark Koopa: Can't anyone do their job around here?

Pink: I thought you quit.

Dark Koopa: What? Musta been my evil counterpart Count Chocula again.

Pink: Huh?

Dark Koopa: Never mind.

Pink: Well, if you get a tape that's from Lemmy, don't look at it.

Dark Koopa: Okay.

Pink: End transmission.

Count Chocula: Argh! Foiled again!