Dark Koopa: Hello and welcome to-

Lemmy: Lemmy's-

Dark Koopa: Interview Show. Yeah yeah. Blah blah blah. Anyway, today I’ve got a special guest of sorts or something.

Thumbs: Is it 50 Cent? G-Unit!

Dark Koopa: No. It's Silver Knight.

Thumbs: Oh, it's that guy who spent his life savings on a sword that broke.

Dark Koopa: Really? HAHAHAHA! Erm, I mean, that's too bad.

Silver Knight: And today we're interviewing Hooktail.

Dark Koopa: You mean that dragon who eats Koopas?

Silver Knight: Yup.

Dark Koopa: Nooo!

(Dark Koopa tries to run out of the studio, but Pink ties him to a chair.)

Pink: I wish you'd stop making me have to do this.

Silver Knight: Oooh!

(Silver Knight starts tickling Dark's feet. Nothing.)

Silver Knight: Darn! He ain't ticklish.

Iggy: Nope. Trust me, I've tried.

(Pink hits Iggy with a hammer.)

Iggy: So... much... pain... ow...

Pink: Man, I hate my job...

Silver Knight: So do I.

Pink: What?

Silver Knight: Nothing.

(Silver Knight starts tapping his foot.)

Silver Knight: Man, I wish Hooktail would hurry up and show up...

(Dark Koopa starts sweating.)

Dark Koopa: Help me!

(Hooktail comes into the studio, after breaking down the wall.)

Dark Koopa: Eep!

Pink: Hey! You're paying for that!

Dark Koopa: Better finish this fast. First question: Why do you like to eat Koopas? What?! Who wrote these questions?!

(Lemmy can be seen chuckling.)

Hooktail: Well, I find turtle soup to be quite tasty. If you see any Koopas, you'll tell me, right?

Dark Koopa: ... Yeah. Sure.

Silver Knight: Hey, are you blind or something? There's a Koopa right-

Dark Koopa: SHUT UP!

Hooktail: I do have a bit of a vision problem since Mario beat me. He blinded me in one of my eyes.

Silver Knight: Reeeeeeeally...?

(Silver Knight runs over to Siro's black market.)

Silver Knight: Siro, I need all of the pokey things, pointy things, and "Holy *bleep*, that's gonna leave a mark!" things you have for an extended discount.

Siro: What kind of extended discount we talkin' here?

Silver Knight: The kind of discount where unless you give me all the stuff I need for free, I'll sic adrenaline high Pink on you.

Siro: AIIEE! IT BURNS!!!

(Siro runs out of his stall.)

Silver Knight: Heheheh...

(Silver Knight takes the stuff and runs back to the studio.)

Silver Knight: (poking Hooktail with a stick) What's up with your phobia of crickets?

Hooktail: AHH, CRICKETS!!! THE SPAWNS OF EVIL THEMSELVES ARE HERE TO CLAIM MY VERY SOUL AS THEIR OWN!!! WE'RE ALL GOING TO DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!

Silver Knight: ... Pink...

(Pink chains Hooktail to the ground.)

Silver Knight: Okay, just answer the questions we ask you, and you can have Dark.

Dark Koopa: You moron, I told you to SHUT UP!

Hooktail: Who's Dark?

Pink, Silver Knight, and Dark Koopa: ...

Hooktail: Okay. The crickets... They gave me food poisoning! Augh, I was sick for weeks!

Silver Knight: ... If you are so big, why is your HP so low?

Hooktail: I'm still quite young. Much younger than my brothers Gloomtail and Bonetail.

Silver Knight: But you're the same size!

Hooktail: That would be Nintendo's fault. My size was portrayed rather inaccurately. They had to make me a lot bigger to match Gloomtail's size, which was what Nintendo based our sizes on. They wanted me to look a lot stronger than I was. Bonetail had to be downsized a great deal. I mean, if it showed his real size, he'd be too way too big for the screen.

Silver Knight: *sigh* If you hate crickets so much, why did you keep a badge that makes a cricket sound in your castle?

Hooktail: Oh... *starts sobbing* Well, before Kolorado's father met his unlikely demise-

Kolorado: MURDERER!!!

Silver Knight: Pink...

Pink: Quee!

(Pink whispers something in Kolorado's ear.)

Kolorado: Really? You don't say!

Pink: Yup. And you'll find it in that room!

(Pink points to a room that is labeled "Torture Chamber", but the words are crossed out in magic marker, and under them is written "Supreme Happines Room of Fun!!!" in pencil. The writing is messy chicken scrawl.)

Kolorado: (like a hyperactive puppy) YIPE YIPE YIPEYIPEYIPEYIPE!!!

(Kolorado dashes into the room. No sooner than the door closes is agonized screaming heard from the room.)

Silver Knight: (while laying a beartrap under Hooktail's chair) Now, please continue.

Hooktail: He brought with him a badge that makes a horrid cricket chirp. After I burnt him to a crisp, I ordered that the badge be locked up.

Dark Koopa: Why didn't you just destroy it?

(Hooktail scorches Dark, and takes a seat. Silver Knight giggle. Dark Koopa smacks Silver Knight with a pool cue.)

Dark Koopa: Answer the question.

Hooktail: I couldn't find the darn thing. I knew it was locked up somewhere, but my castle is so small for my size, I couldn't see a lot of those hard-to-reach places.

Dark Koopa: Can we finish before I sic Pink on you?

Hooktail: Who's Pink?

Dark Koopa: I'm quite glad you don't know.

Pink: Do you like Yoshis?

Hooktail: What are Yoshis?

Pink: ...

(Pink's eyes turn that icy color.)

Thumbs: I win the bet!

(Pink starts beating up Hooktail.)

Pink: Phew. This is a big job.

Silver Knight: Right. Let's go to audience questions. Seat 38 1/2.

Renzor: Why is Hooktail being beaten up by a Yoshi?

Hooktail: What's a ouch Yoshi?

Dark Koopa: Seat 123456789.

Gloomba: Why is your studio this big?

Dark Koopa: Because I got lotsa bling-bling.

Silver Knight: Seat 798.

Waluigi: Wah!

Silver Knight: The Interview with King Boo is long over.

Waluigi: Wah!

Silver Knight: Seat 1 trillion.

Yellow: Why haven't I made an appearance?

Silver Knight: Because this is my first Interview with someone I only know as an online alias. Is that all?

Dark Koopa: Seat 11.

Magikoopa: What's with all those bones in your castle?

Hooktail: They're the remains of Koopas I've eaten. Ow!

Dark Koopa: Eek!

Magikoopa: Why were some of them alive?

Hooktail: I guess even dead Koopas come back to life to try to slay me.

Magikoopa: Hmm, what about those Koopas in your castle that were clearly alive?

Hooktail: There were Koopas in my castle? Alive?! Pain... Apparently, Koopas both good and evil want me to be taken down but got lost in my castle. But you can't kill me!

Pink: Quee! *slap*

Hooktail: Ooo, that did it.

(Hooktail flops over on her back, similar to the time when Mario defeated her.)

Dark Koopa: YeahwellIguessthat'sallthetimewehavefortodayokayIguessit'stimeformetogookaygottagobye!

(Dark Koopa speeds out of the studio.)

Silver Knight: Well-

Lemmy: (jumping on Silver Knight's head) That's all for Lemmy's Interview Show!

Waluigi: Wah!