Pink: ... Hey, is this thing on?
Dark Koopa: No. We don't use microphones.
Pink: K.
Dark Koopa: You're stupid, arent you?
Pink: WHAT DID YOU J-
Iggy: Welcome to Lemmy's Interview Show!
Lemmy: ... You aren't Lemmy.
Ludwig: Welcome to Lemmy's In-
Lemmy: ... You aren't Lemmy either.
Larry: Wel-
Lemmy: ...
Larry: DONT GIVE ME THAT LOOK!
Lemmy: ... Anyway, welcome to Le-
Pink: Yeah yeah, we get it already. And today, we're interviewing Luigi! Since Thumbs has a fever.
(Thumbs is seen in bed with a bag of ice on his forehead, then he glares at the camera.)
Dark Koopa: Where is Luigi, anyway?
Peach: I'm right here!
Pink: ... You're Peach.
Peach: ... I'm wearing the Peach suit again, aren't I?
Mario: It's-a true!
Peach: ... Hold on.
(Peach walks offstage, and Luigi comes out.)
Luigi: Sorry about that.
Pink: You have problems.
Lemmy: I agree!
Iggy: You're not Iggy.
Dark Koopa: Well, my first question would be, how do you feel about Thumbs dropping heavy objects on you?
Luigi: That makes me angry!
Pink: Then let's hear your warcry.
Luigi: Gagagagaga.
Pink: That was terrible...
(Thumbs comes out and drops a concrete block on Luigi's head.)
Thumbs: Shut up! I'm trying to sleep!
(Thumbs leaves.)
Luigi: Gagagagaga.
Pink: Was that his warcry again?
Dark Koopa: No, I think he's just weak in the head.
Pink: Well anyway, how do you feel about Mario always getting the fame?
Luigi: He isn't getting all the fame anymore! Remember in Paper Mario: The Thousand-Year Door, everybody thought I was the bomb? Go ME!
Pink: ... Not everybody played that game.
Luigi: Well, play it and see my awesomeness!
Pink: You're so full of yourself now that you've had a shread of spotlight!
Luigi: Thank you ver-
Pink: No. Next question.
Dark Koopa: What is the difference between you and Mario in attributes?
Luigi: I can jump higher, I'm smarter, and I'm taller. Mario's fatter, smaller, a bit faster, and a bit stronger.
Pink: What's it like having Waluigi as a rival?
Luigi: Well, he's not too much competition.
Waluigi: Wah!
Dark Koopa: Why don't you appear in games like Mario 64 and Mario Sunshine?
Luigi: I'm not in Super Mario Sunshine because I was the one watching over the house me and Mario live in while Mario took a vacation after being trapped in that painting in the so-called mansion I "won".
Pink: And Mario 64?
Luigi: I got lost in a supermarket while shopping with Yoshi. I was there for 14 hours! Yoshi just left me there!
Dark Koopa: What's the deal with you and Daisy?
Luigi: ... Well...
Pink: Well?
(Pink holds her hands in fists behind her back.)
Luigi: I'm not telling you!
Pink: May I?
Dark Koopa: Go ahead.
(Pink started to punch Luigi until he wets his pants.)
Luigi: Aw, you made me wet my pants!
Pink: Duh.
Luigi: Fine, I'll tell you... Ever since she came along, everyone thought she was my answer to Mario's Peach, and everyone called us a nice couple... So we went along with it, I guess.
Pink: Awr.
Luigi: DONT MOCK ME!
Pink: Who said I was mocking you?
Dark Koopa: Anyway, how do you think you fare in those games such as Mario Kart, Golf, Tennis, and Party?
Luigi: Good.
Dark Koopa: Not the answer I was looking for.
Luigi: Well, for the most part, I have the same stats as Mario. And he's like the best player, right?
Pink: Not really.
Luigi: Well, who asked you?!
Dark Koopa: Um, you.
Pink: He's right.
Luigi: Well, I have a short attention span!
Dark Koopa: Really?
Luigi: What was the question again?
Pink: Oh.
Dark Koopa: Well anyway, why do you wear green?
Luigi: Because Mario got the good color! Everyone calls me a pickle!
(Mario sticks his tongue out.)
Pink: Does that mean your favorite color is red?
Luigi: Blue.
Pink: ... Then why dont you wear blue?
Luigi: Blue? I like red! But I'm forced to wear green because Mario got the GOOD color!
Pink: ... K. How do you feel about everyone knowing that you're a scaredy cat because of the scenes of you screaming in Luigi's Mansion?
Luigi: How do I feel about it? Scared! Wah!
Waluigi: Wah! Times two!
Pink: Ugh...
Dark Koopa: Why are your fireballs green?
Luigi: It's not actually fire. It's rotten cheese.
Pink: Remind me to kill him when this Interview's over.
Dark Koopa: Sure thing.
Luigi: What's wrong with rotten cheese?
Pink: It's moldy.
Dark Koopa: It isn't pleasant to eat either.
(Pink moves away.)
Pink: How do you feel about Bowser? Seems to me Mario's more of an enemy to you than him.
Luigi: I could beat Bowser if someone actually gave me the chance. High jumping RULES!
Pink: I bet I can jump higher.
Luigi: OH YEAH?!
Pink: YEAH!
(Luigi jumps and flutters, but Pink keeps on going because she can fly, and crashes into the ceiling.)
Luigi: Jumping too high can be dangerous sometimes too.
Dark Koopa: Told you she's a moron.
Pink: Who said that?!
Galvar: Pacific Bell?
Pink: How do you keep getting in here? Anyway, die!
(Pink chases Galvar out of the studio.)
Dark Koopa: Has E. Gadd made any other inventions for you besides that stupid vacuum?
Luigi: Yeah. These cool jet boots.
(Luigi activates the boots and runs right into the ceiling like Pink did earlier. Pink comes back in.)
Pink: How did he say that when his head is in the ceiling?
Luigi: E. Gadd also gave me a muffled voice translator.
Pink: Greeat...
Dark Koopa: That's all we have for today.
Pink: Interview over?
Dark Koopa: Yup.
Pink: Good.
Luigi: I'm still stuck in the ceiling! Gagagaga!
(Luigi gets unstuck and flies out of the studio. Unfotunately, he runs right into a stop sign.)
Luigi: Ow...
Pink: There you are!
(Pink starts beating up Luigi.)
Dark Koopa: These beatings at the end of every Interview are getting old and annoying.
Pink: What was that?
Dark Koopa: Nothing, continue.
Lemmy: Whawhohahahaha!
Ludwig: Hey!
Dark Koopa: End transmission.
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