Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Dark Koopa: If the reader's actually reading this Interview, I'm sure they already know.

Lemmy: But it's so much fun to say!

Dark Koopa: Whatever. Who am I interviewing today?

Thumbs: Hammer Bro.

Dark Koopa: Oh, I really don't wanna interview Hammer bro alone.

Pink: I'll interview him with you.

Dark Koopa: Alright. Bring him in.

Pink: Wait! My Yoshi senses are tingling!

Meanwhile, 50 miles away...

Goomba 1: So, you don't like Yoshis?

Goomba 2: No, I think they're stupid.

Pink: I'll be right back.

(Pink leaves.)

Thumbs: Did Pink's eyes turn that icy color again?

Dark Koopa: Yup.

Thumbs: Poor guys, they'll never know what hit them.

Dark Koopa: Hey, why don't you co-interview?

Thumbs: Sure. Here's Hammer now.

Hammer: Hello.

Dark Koopa: Alright, first question.

Hammer: Shoot.

Dark Koopa: Why are there so many more Hammer Brothers than there are of other Bros?

Hammer: Because hammers are the easiest weapons for the Koopa Troop to make.

Thumbs: Why are all Hammer Bros an orangish color?

Hammer: Bowser wanted to tell all us Bros. apart, so he forced us to paint ourselves orange... as well as Fire Bros. to paint themselves red, etc, etc.

Thumbs: What about Sledge Brothers? They aren't all orange.

Hammer: They're bigger than the rest of us. Bowser can already tell them apart. He's not stupid.

Dark Koopa: Yes he is.

Bowser: No I’m not!

Dark Koopa: No you're not.

Bowser: Yes I am!

Dark Koopa: Oh, ok. You're right and I’m wrong.

Bowser: And don't forget it!

(Bowser walks away.)

Thumbs: How long until you think he'll figure out what just happened?

Dark Koopa: Hmm... I give it three days tops.

Thumbs: Right. So, how come you wear those helmets?

Hammer: So if the other Hammer Bro slips up and hits us we don't feel it.

Dark Koopa: What about those Hammer Brother suits Mario could wear?

Hammer: Those were meant for Bowser's non-Koopa minions. We were just trying to hand them out to some Goombas, but no. Mario had to steal them.

Thumbs: Where do you get all your hammers from? You seem to have quite a few.

Hammer: We keep a lot in our shells. That way we're able to pack the heat and travel light at the same time.

Dark Koopa: Won't those hammers poke you sometimes?

Hammer: No, neve- YOW! Stupid hammer. Alright, sometimes.

Thumbs: Can Hammer Bros. change their job?

Hammer: Yes, let me explain the Koopa working system. There are three levels of jobs: lower, middle, and upper. In the lower system you have basic Koopas and Paratroopas, in the middle class you have Lakitus and the different kinds of Bros. In the upper class, there are Magikoopas and Koopatrols. So everyone who’s been a Magikoopa, for example, has to have had a job in one of the lower classes.

Thumbs: Even Kamek?

Hammer: Yup. He used to be a Lakitu like you and a Dark Koopa like you.

Thumbs: Interesting.

Dark Koopa: Indeed.

Thumbs: But what if you want to stay a Lakitu?

Hammer: Oh, sure, you can do that. Usually people stay in the class they were born.

Dark Koopa: So how does Fire Bro take being in another game?

Hammer: He loves it! Believe me; I have to share a room with him. Jabber jabber jabber jabber.

Dark Koopa: Does he know he'll lose horribly to Mario?

Hammer: I haven't the heart to tell him.

Dark Koopa: Why did you fight Mario on top of those blocks in Mario 3? Wouldn't that make it easier for him to beat you?

Hammer: Well, I assumed he wasn't smart enough to hit the block below me. I thought he would try to jump on me, so I got high up on those blocks so I could throw more hammers at him.

Thumbs: So, how are you at hand-to-hand combat?

Hammer: Pretty good, actually. You have to be pretty strong to lug around these hammers.

Dark Koopa: Who do you think would win in a fight between a Dark Koopa and a Hammer Bro?

Hammer: Hammer Bro. Definitely.

Dark Koopa: I can take you!

Hammer: Bring it on!

Thumbs: Hey, guys! Cool it. You can beat the snot out of each other AFTER the Interview.

Dark Koopa: Alright.

Hammer: Fine. *grumble*

(All of a sudden there is a loud explosion and Pink crashes into the room via the ceiling.)

Random Audience Member: AHH! It's raining Yoshis!

Pink: *cough* I'm back. Let's do that Interview.

Thumbs: Erm... We're kinda in the middle of it.

Pink: Hey, that's no fair! It's my turn.

Thumbs: I'll fight you for it!

Pink: ... You're kidding me, right?

Dark Koopa: You're kidding her, right?

Thumbs: I can take you. C'mon.

(Instead of saying anything, Pink collapses onto the floor in hysterical laughter.)

Thumbs: And stay down! Yeah... so where were we?

Dark Koopa: Hammer Bro?

Thumbs: Right. So what's with those Amazing Flying Hammer Bros?

Hammer: Those are a rare species. They're like a mixture of a Lakitu and a Hammer Brother because they love hammers and flying. So what they do is make a block that can fly and they throw hammers from it.

Dark Koopa: How do they do that?

Hammer: They steal the wings from Paratroopas and Paragoombas and attach them to the block. Since Hammer Brothers are of higher rank, they get to boss around the low-rank minions.

Pink: Okay, I'm done laughing. Now I seriously want my spot in this Interview.

Thumbs: You know, I heard Naval Piranha doesn't like Yoshis.

Pink: What? I'll have to give him a beating then.

(Pink leaves.)

Thumbs: We won't be seeing her again for a while.

Thumbs: How come there were no Hammer Bros. in Yoshi's Island?

Hammer: I don't know, I guess Kamek thought we weren't needed.

Dark Koopa: Is there any training involved to be aHhammer Bro?

Thumbs: Or a Boomerang Bro or a Fire Bro or-

Dark Koopa: We get it!

Hammer: Well, we have to go through fitness training to be physically fit to run, jump, etc. with hammers. Also, we have to take an archery-like test with hammers, boomerangs, etc. to help our aim.

Pink: I'm back!

Thumbs: Oh no.

Pink: Tried to get me eaten, huh?

Thumbs: It wasn't me. It was him!

Dark Koopa: Me? No it wasn't. It was you!

Thumbs: No, it was him!

(Thumbs points into the audience.)

Galvar: Pacific Bell?

Pink: I knew it!

(Pink chases Galvar out of the building.)

Dark Koopa: Pink fell for that? Ugh... She's such a stupid, moronic, idiotic-

(Dark Koopa can hear heavy breathing behind him.)

Dark Koopa: -smart, strong, pretty, insert more positive adjectives.

(The breathing stops.)

Dark Koopa: Phew. I'm such a good liar.

Pink: QQQUUUEEEEEEE!

Dark Koopa: AHH!

(Pink chases Dark Koopa out of the studio.)

Thumbs: Well, um, I guess it's time for audience questions. Seat 21.

Peach: Wh-

Thumbs: You're not interesting enough to ask a question. Seat 69.

Iggy: Ho-

Thumbs: You neither. Seat 34.

Roy: Wh-

Thumbs: Too stupid.

Morton: Whe-

Thumbs: Too loud.

Bowser: How-

Thumbs: Too ugly.

George Bush: What-

Thumbs: Too political.

French Guy: Wher-

Thumbs: Too French.

Waluigi: Wah!

Thumbs: Too cowardly.

Mario: It's-a me-

Thumbs: Too Mario.

Mario: That's-a right!

(Eventually, Thumbs goes through every audience member and how he's disgusted with their slight differences.)

Thumbs: Well, no one here is good enough to ask a question.

Hammer: Then how are we going to finish this Interview?

Thumbs: Oh, I know. We'll have audience questions!

Hammer: But didn't you just-

Thumbs: Seat 40.

Larry: How come you were so big in Yoshi's Safari?

Hammer: Ludwig made a machine to make us tougher. Becoming bigger was a side effect.

Thumbs: That seat aaaaall the way back there.

Yellow: You are so mean.

Thumbs: Please ask your question.

Yellow: I thought I was too yellow for your liking.

Thumbs: Alright, alright. I'm sorry about what I said.

Iggy: Are you sorry about what you said to me too?

Thumbs: No. What's your question?

Yellow: Why are you almost always in pairs?

Hammer: Why not? Safety in numbers.

Thumbs: Seat 21.

Peach: I thought I was too uninteresting for you.

Thumbs: I'm not going through this again. Seat 811.

Daisy: What-

Peach: Wait! I had a-

Daisy: Shut up! What about Sledge Brothers? Aren't they bigger versions of you?

Hammer: Well, sort of. Sledge Brothers are basically Hammer Brothers from Giant Land.

Daisy: What about the ones from Dark Land?

Hammer: Kamek used his magic to make them bigger.

Thumbs: Seat 34.

Roy: I thought I wasn't sma-

Thumbs: Seat 22.

Wendy: How did it feel to be 3D in Mario Party 5?

Hammer: I liked it. I wish I had more of a role than a capsule though.

Thumbs: Well, you were kind of important in SMRPG.

Hammer: Maybe, but we were so weak! And Mario stole my favorite hammer!

Thumbs: So do Hammer Bros. make all the hammers in the RPGs?

Hammer: Yeah, and those weird Hammerhead guys make some in the Beanbean Kingdom.

Thumbs: Seat 395

Goomba: What’s your weakness?

Hammer: In every game but SMRPG it was fireballs, but-

Luigi: I knew it! You will now be defeated by ME! And not Mario!

(Thumbs drops a piano on Luigi. The audience cheers.)

Thumbs: Seat 72

Koopa: How come Hammer Bros’ skin was such a different color in SMB3?

Hammer: The training center was in Desert Land at that time. We all got really good suntans. Plus we learned how to work under intense heat.

Thumbs: That's all we have for today. See yo-

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

Thumbs: You're too Lemmy!

(Dark Koopa runs into the studio, followed by Pink.)

Pink: Aha! I got you now.

(Pink throws Dark Koopa out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: I believe I had a balloon.

(Pink tosses a balloon out of the studio.)

Dark Koopa: Sucker!

(Dark Koopa runs off with the balloon.)

Thumbs: That was pointless. The Interview's over anyway.

Pink: What?!

(Pink throws Thumbs out of the studio.)

Thumbs: I believe I had a sack of money.

Pink: Nice try.

Thumbs: Darn.

Pink: End transmission.