Pink: Can I have a raise?

Dark Koopa: No.

Thumbs: Can I have a raise?

Dark Koopa: I don't even pay you.

Lemmy: Can I have a raise?

Dark Koopa: You don't even work for me! In fact, I work for you so can I have a raise?

Lemmy: You'll have to talk to my father about that.

Dark Koopa: Alright. Can I have a raise?

Bowser: No.

Dark Koopa: How predictable. Well, I guess I'll interview you.

Bowser: Fine, but make it quick.

Dark Koopa: Why don't you give me a raise?

Bowser: I told you already. You smell.

Dark Koopa: I DO NOT! Give a reasonable excuse.

Bowser: I can't start giving you a raise. Then everyone will start asking for raises. Goombas might actually ask *gulp* to have pay.

Dark Koopa: Well, since you're still not convinced to increase my pay, I have two words for you: Come on. Come on!

Bowser: If you put it that way, alright.

Dark Koopa: Swish.

Bowser: As long as you don't say anymore basketball terms.

Pink: Ooo, bricked.

Bowser: You either.

Dark Koopa: Why do you dislike Mario so much?

Bowser: I was told to when I was young by Kamek. He never really told me why. Something about the future. Of course, the reason I still hate him is because he ruins my plans obviously.

Dark Koopa: Why is your size different in several games?

Bowser: Kamek made a special potion that allowed me to change my size.

Dark Koopa: What is your true size?

Bowser: I'm about twice the size of Mario. I'm that size in games like Mario Golf and Mario Tennis.

Thumbs: Can I have a raise now?

Dark Koopa: The only way you're going to get a raise is if all the monkeys in Sweden eat ketchup on the first Tuesday of January. Understand?

Thumbs: Yes.

Dark Koopa: No you don't. Because I don't understand what I'm saying.

Thumbs: There's monkeys in Sweden?

Dark Koopa: Okay, I'll give you a raise.

Thumbs: Really?

Dark Koopa: Yeah, when pigs fly.

(A pig flies by.)

Thumbs: Will you be giving me that raise now?

Dark Koopa: No, no I won't. Why do you play sports and such with Mario?

Bowser: My army was pretty weak at the time and I couldn't fight Mario, so I tried the next best thing, beating Mario at a sporting event.

Dark Koopa: Why don't you use a gun or something against Mario?

Bowser: What's a gun?

Dark Koopa: Oh right. They don't exist on Plit. At least none past the lines of Bullet Bill.

Bullet Bill: Aluminum!

Dark Koopa: Man that phrase is stupid. What's your next plan to take over the Mushroom Kingdom?

Bowser: I'm going to kidnap Peach.

Silence...

Dark Koopa: Well, I admire your persistance.

Bowser: What? That plan is flawless.

Dark Koopa: Do you have Alzhiemer's or something?

Bowser: What's that? Hey, who are you?

Dark Koopa: Dark Koopa.

Bowser: Right. And who am I?

Dark Koopa: I'll take that as a yes. Why do like Bowser Jr. more than the real Koopalings?

Bowser: Well, he looks a lot like me. Also, he hasn't failed as many times as them. Wait, I remember what you did to him.

Dark Koopa: I told you it was Pink!

Pink: Yep.

Bowser: Do you know what I'm going to do to you?! I'm going to- What am I going to do again?

Dark Koopa: Uh... Quadruple my pay?

Bowser: Right. I'll get on to that.

Dark Koopa: Two points!

Bowser: What did I say about those basketball terms? No, really. I don't remember.

Dark Koopa: Yes, well, how did you become King of the Koopas?

Bowser: I took the throne from my father, Morton Sr. Wart would have been king, but that didn't happen because I turned him into a frog.

Dark Koopa: That was actually pretty smart. Far smarter than I'd expect from you.

Bowser: Well actually, it was Kamek's idea.

Dark Koopa: I thought so. Why are you so nice to Susan?

Bowser: I felt kind of bad about turning Wart into a frog, so I'm nice to his daughter. It makes me feel better about stuff.

Dark Koopa: You actually felt BAD about something? Wow. Couldn't you just turn Wart back to normal?

Bowser: Nope, the spell is irreversable.

Dark Koopa: Time for audience questions. Seat 194.

Mario: Who's your favorite Power Ranger?

Bowser: I'd have to say it would be Billy, the blue Ranger. He has those knife things or whatever they are. I thought they were pretty cool.

Dark Koopa: Seat 199.

Iggy: Who's your favorite Ninja Turtle?

Bowser: Michealangelo.

Dark Koopa: Okay, enough with the stupid questions. Seat 50.

Wart: Bowser, why did your parents name you Paul?

Bowser: ...

Dark Koopa: ...

Pink: ...

Thumbs: ...

Audience: ...

Mario: Gogo Power Rangers! Do do do do do!

Wart: ...?

Dark Koopa: I hate this job. Seat 46.

Red: Do you think the Ninja Tutrles can beat us, the Koopa Bros?

Bowser: Yes. You guys are weaklings.

Red: We'll show you!

(Two seconds later the Koopa Bros. can be seen being brought into an ambulance.)

Michealangelo: Cowabunga dudes!

(Michealangelo can be seen riding around on a skateboard until he crashes into a wall.)

Dark Koopa: Please tell me we're not still rolling.

Stupid Cameraman: We're not still rolling. Happy?

Pink: LIAR!

(Pink beats the stupid cameraman into a bloody pulp.)

Dark Koopa: This show is so cancelled.

Lemmy: You mean Lemmy's Interview Show?!

Dark Koopa: I don't even know anymore.

Pink: Strrrrike!

Bowser: What did I tell you about those basketball terms?

Dark Koopa: That's a baseball term.

Bowser: Oh.

Pink: Safe!

Dark Koopa: Get out of here, Pink!

Pink: Out!

(Pink leaves.)

Dark Koopa: Now maybe we can get something done.

Thumbs: Home run!

Dark Koopa: I'm ignoring that. Seat 4.

Kamek: Who do you think is the most useless Koopaling?

Bowser: Morton. He does nothing but talk.

Morton: But I love to talk. That's why I got the nickname Big Mouth in the Mario cartoons. For some reason, no one would hang out with me except maybe Wendy or Roy but that was only when no one else was around. I remember one time I talked so much, even Susan left because I was so annoying. It's funny, I never really considered myself annoying. It's also funny that all of a sudden, the writer actually writes out my speeches now. The last one was about cheeseburgers. I mean, what's not to like about cheeseburgers? They have everything you could possibly want. My favorite thing to put on cheeseburgers would be pickles. I like pickles because- MMPH!

(Thumbs shoves a valuable piece of footwear down Morton's throat.)

Dark Koopa: My shoe!

Thumbs: You'd rather he still be talking?

Dark Koopa: No. Where was Pink on that one?

Thumbs: You threw her out.

Dark Koopa: Oh yeah.

Pink (from outside): Out!

Dark Koopa: And she's not coming back in. Seat 113.

Larry: Why did you ignore Morton whne he was young but not me?

Bowser: Morton was ugly as a baby. You weren't.

Larry: Woowho! I'm not ugly!

Dark Koopa: Seat 67.

Roy: Why are you always last to fight Mario?

Bowser: Because that's what all the great villians do. I want to keep up the trend. Besides, I did fight Mario first a few times. I fared better when I fought him last. Except in Paper Mario. That was my favorite memory.

Dark Koopa: Seat 210.

Wendy: Why don't you like Bagels?

Bower: I do like Bagels. She's just fun to kick around.

Bagels: I'll do anything for Master Bowser!

Kammy: So will I!

Bowser: Eat a bucket of wood shavings.

Kammy: Easy.

Bagels: Yep.

Bowser: Without salt.

Bagels and Kammy: *gasp*

Bowser: Go now!

(Bagels and Kammy leave.)

Dark Koopa: Seat 1.

Clawdia: Do you like Peach?

Bowser: Heh heh. No. Of course not. I like you.

Clawdia: Then why are you always kidnapping her?

(Bowser starts sweating.)

Bowser: Um, financial aid?

Clawdia: Fair enough.

Bowser: Phew.

Dark Koopa: Seat 22.

Ludwig: I have good news and bad news. The bad news is that your Koopa Clown Car has been stolen by Michealangelo. The good news is that I saved a bunch of money on my car insurance by switching to Gieco.

In the sky...

Michealangelo: Woah, dudes. This thing is hard to control.

(Michealangelo crashes into the Eiffel Tower.)

Bowser: ARGH! I must get my stupid-looking flying thing back!

(Bowser leaves.)

Dark Koopa: That's all we have for today. I'm sure I won't be seeing you again as this show is probably cancelled by now.

Thumbs: What do you mean? I thought this Interview was a grand slam!

Dark Koopa: End transmission. Please.

Stupid Cameraman: I need an ambulance!