Dark Koopa: Okay, who am I interviewing?
Dark Koopa: Well, where is he?
Thumbs: Uh...
Earlier...
Pink: Do you like Yoshis?
Lakitu: No, I think they're stupid.
(Pink's eyes turn that icy color again.)
Dark Koopa: Darn, now where am I gonna get a Lakitu to interview?
Thumbs: Ahem.
Dark Koopa: Maybe Lakilester's available.
Thumbs: Hellooo.
Dark Koopa: Or maybe I can-
Thumbs: (with a megaphone) I'm a Lakitu!
Dark Koopa: I'd rather interview Lakilester or someone else...
Thumbs: ... Wait right here.
(Thumbs grabs a rocket launcher. Later...)
Dark Koopa: *sigh* Alright, alright. I'll interview you. But you'd better know all the answers or else I'm gonna tell Pink you don't like Yoshis.
Thumbs: *gulp*
Dark Koopa: First question: How do Lakitus get their clouds?
Thumbs: We're born with them. Ysually when we hatch we get them from our parents. It grows as we do.
Lemmy: Hey wait! I didn't get to say Lemmy's Interview Show!
Dark Koopa: You just did.
Lemmy: ... Oh.
Dark Koopa: Second question: What's with the glasses?
Thumbs: They're more like magnifying glasses. We can see without them, but they help us focus on a target when we drop our Spinies. Plus, they look cool.
Dark Koopa: They do not, shades are so much cooler.
Thumbs: Glasses!
Dark Koopa: Shades!
Hours later...
Thumbs: Glasses!
Dark Koopa: Glasses!
Thumbs: Shades! ... D'oh!
Pink: Monkeys!
Dark Koopa: I win! Or do I? That's a stupid question, but here's one not so stupid: Why do Lakitu clouds have faces on them?
Thumbs: They do? *looks at cloud* Well whaddaya know.
Dark Koopa: Answer the question!
Thumbs: Well, a Lakitu's cloud shares a psychic link with the rider, so it shows the emotions that the rider is feeling.
Dark Koopa: So, is that how you control it?
Thumbs: Exactly, and that's why others can control it too.
Dark Koopa: Can I try?
Thumbs: Sure.
(Dark Koopa gets on the cloud and almost immediately crashes into a wall.)
Dark Koopa: Ow. I'm guessing these things aren't easy to control.
Thumbs: They're easy once you get used to it. But at first, yeah, I suppose it's difficult.
Dark Koopa: Well the next time I want to fly, I'll go annoy a Paratroopa. How do Lakitus get their Spinies that they throw?
Thumbs: Bob's Pet Store.
Dark Koopa: They just sell those things?
Thumbs: Yeah, dirt cheep if you buy the eggs!
Dark Koopa: I gotta go there sometime.
Bob: You can't, 'cause i don't like you. Nyah!
Dark Koopa: Pink!
(Pink catapults Bob out of the room.)
Thumbs: There goes my preferred customer discount.
Dark Koopa: So... you say you buy Spiny eggs. How do you hatch those things?
Thumbs: With tender loving care.
Dark Koopa: *backs up* Okay. Can Lakitus ditch their clouds and take some other role in the Koopa Troop?
Thumbs: Although it dosen't happen often, Lakitus can quit their position to be a Hammer Brother or something. It usually only happens if the Lakitu is afraid of heights or something.
Dark Koopa: Are they still called Lakitus after the job change?
Thumbs: Nope. They're just called by what their job is.
Dark Koopa: So... Have any lakitus ever become Dark Koopas?
Thumbs: One. But he's an idiot.
Dark koopa: O...K.. Which race are you insulting with that?
Thumbs: Uh... Mario?
Dark Koopa: Good answer.
Pink: Weren't you a Lakitu before?
Dark Koopa: Uh... Look! Balloons!
(Dark Koopa runs away.)
Pink: Well, since he left, we'll have to go to audience questions. Seat 91.
Larry: Why do you have a blue shell?
Thumbs: I dunno, I was born with it. Why does Kooper have a blue shell?
Kooper: Black market.
Thumbs: ...
Pink: ... O...k then, seat 5906425.
Yellow: Can I ever get a closer seat?
Pink: No, ask a real question.
Yellow: Alright, what's with the fishing rod?
Thumbs: If we feel like carrying something, we put it on the rod. It's usually a camera. But sometimes we carry other things like 1-Up Mushrooms on them. That way, we can carry that and still be able to throw Spinies.
Pink: Seat 70.
Jackie Chan: Do you have the talisman?
Thumbs: I really think you're in the wrong studio.
Pink: I'll take care of it.
(Pink tries to grab out Jackie, but he jumps out of the way. He then tries to kick Pink, who calmly moves out of the way, sending Chan out the window.)
Pink: Seat 61.
Lemmy: Why did you and that other Lakitu film Mario in Mario 64?
Thumbs: He was originally hired by Luigi to spy on Mario, but when he left, he made copies and sold it to people. I think he sold one to Shigeru Miyamoto.
Pink: (hiding her copy of Mario 64: The Movie) Uh... seat 81.
Kooky Inventor: Check out my new cloning machine!
Pink: Don't wanna. Seat 62.
Kooky Inventor: See, my new cloning machine works!
Pink: How did you... nevermind. Seat 30.
Kooky Inventor: And I can make more clones!
Pink: May I?
Thumbs: Fine.
(Thumbs gives pink a flamethrower.)
Kooky Inventors: *gulp*
Thumbs: (ignoring the mayhem behind him) Seat pi.
Yellow: That gag is way too old!
Thumbs: Shut up. Seat pi.
Johnny Bravo: I like pie.
Thumbs: Um... that's nice. Seat 90.
Morton: Why do Lakitus have such little hair like me, Morton Koopa Jr, son of Bowser Koopa and brother to-
Thumbs: Yeah yeah. I know who you are. Although I wish I didn't. To answer your question, not all of us have the same amount of hair. Just most of us. Some of us have no hair. Some of us have lots of hair. It's just that a vast majority of us have a few strands. We think it looks cool. Seat 294.
Dark Koopa: Why did I come back?
Thumbs: How should I know?
Dark Koopa: Right.
(Dark Koopa leaves again.)
Thumbs: Seat 13.
Iggy: Why did all the Lakitus work for Huff 'N Puff in Paper Mario?
Thumbs: Because Huff 'N Puff had the coolest plan! To cover the world in clouds would be a paradise for cloud riders! Plus, if we appeared any later in the game Mario could have kicked our rears easily.
Iggy: So why didn't you just appear earlier in the game?
Thumbs: Umm... I'm going to ignore that. Seat 8.
Ludwig: How did those Lakitus obtain the Water Stone in Paper Mario?
Thumbs: They took it from this flower. They said it didn't look like anyone was using it for anything important. Although in reality, they took it because they wanted all the flowers in Flower Fields to die out. Seat 83.
Wendy: Do you live in Flower Fields? And if so, what's it like there?
Thumbs: I live in Koopa Village, but I have visited there. It's really beautiful once you get past the angry bees and the creepy plants.
Crayzee Dazee: Let's all sing a song!
Thumbs: ... But really, it's always fun visiting there.
Wendy: So how come you wanted to destroy it?
Thumbs: ... Um... pass?
Dark Koopa: you can't pass!
Thumbs: And you ran away, remember?
Dark koopa: Oh, yeah.
(Dark Koopa runs away.)
Thumbs: *sigh* To answer your question, I never wanted to kill the plants. Just those other guys did. They forced me with unbearable ways!
(Flashback: Thumbs is strapped to a large metal bed. Another lakitu comes in wearing a mask, and pulls out a giant feather. He mercilessly tickles Thumbs until he says he will help the cause.)
Thumbs: It was horrible.
Pink: Seat 592.
Mario: It's-a me! Mario!
Pink: Don't care. Seat 57.
Wario: Do Lakitus work cheap?
Thumbs: Nope. That's why there are so few of us in the army.
Wario: But what about Yoshi's Island? There were so many.
Thumbs: Don't remind me. Kamek hypnotized good Lakitus to do his bidding.
Kamek: And I would have gotten away with it too, if it wasn't for those meddling kids... I mean Yoshis.
Pink: Are there any differences between Yoshi's Island Lakitus and Mainland Lakitus?
Thumbs: Yeah, lots. Well, not really. Yoshi's Island Lakitus only have Spiny eggs and have much better aim than other Lakitus. The Mainland Lakitus need their Spinies to move to make sure they don't miss their target.
Pink: So which are you?
Thumbs: I'm a YI Lakitu, and proud of it!
(Other Lakitus in the room fume...)
Thumbs: Eep! Get them, Pink!
Pink: Only Dark can have me execute someone.
Dark Koopa: These are such good chips. *munch* Uh, get whoever, Pink. Yadda yadda. *munch*
(Pink starts executing Lakitus left and right.)
Thumbs: That's all we have for today. See you next time on-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Dark Koopa: Or is it?
Lemmy: It is.
Dark Koopa: Darn.
Thumbs: End transmission.
Whoops! You're not logged in! |