Lemmy: Hello and welcome to-

(Lemmy runs into the crowd.)

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

(Lemmy runs back onstage.)

Lemmy: *pant* I'm not a very good runner. Today, I will be doing this Interview because Dark Koopa and Susan are doing something in the interrogation room.

Susan: Alright. Where is she?

Monty Mole: Who? I don't know who you're talking about.

Dark Koopa: Don't play dumb. You know who we're talking about.

(Dark Koopa takes off Monty Mole's sunglasses and points the light at him.)

Monty Mole: AHH! Not the light! Okay, I'll tell you. She's in China.

Susan: I knew it!

Dark Koopa: Susan, go to China and get Pink.

Susan: I'm on it.

(Susan digs out of the room.)

Dark Koopa: As for you, no one shall know what has happened here.

(Dark Koopa leaves the room and a Sledge Brother enters. Screams can be heard from inside the room.)

Dark Koopa: That's refreshing.

Lemmy: Today I interview Koopa Troopa.

Koopa: Hello.

Lemmy: Let's get right to it. Why do you wear those shoes?

Koopa: They're fashionable. Also, they have good traction if we have to run.

Lemmy: How are you able to stay in your shell so easily?

Koopa: We're actually a lot smaller than we look. We don't have much of a torso, so there's plenty of room in our shell.

Lemmy: When Mario kicks you inside your shell, why don't you jump out?

Koopa: We don't actually know we're being kicked. We simply stay in our shell until we believe the danger has passed.

Lemmy: Do a lot of Koopa Troopas speak in a British accent?

Koopa: Not at all. The one that does that is the one who likes to golf.

Lemmy: What's the deal with Dark Koopas? Why are they so much stronger?

Dark Koopa: Did someone call me?

Lemmy: No. Go away.

Dark Koopa: I'm still the boss you know.

Lemmy: No you're not.

Koopa: Dark Koopas are the strongest Koopa Troopas. They were given purple shells so Bowser could tell them from the weaker types. Most of them quit though because Bowser wouldn't give them a raise.

Dark Koopa: I know someone's talking about me.

Lemmy: Get out of here!

Dark Koopa: I'll just go in the audience. Beat it, loser!

(Dark Koopa throws Morton out of his seat. The audience cheers.)

Morton: But I wasn't saying anything.

Dark Koopa: You were thinking something.

Morton: You caught me.

Lemmy: So Koopa Troopas can change their shell?

Koopa: Sure. They basically wear the color of their choice. I like green.

Lemmy: Why couldn't you hurt Mario in Mario 64?

Koopa: I know when I've had enough. Whenever I saw Mario, I ran off. That jerk attacked me anyway.

Lemmy: What are your stats?

Koopa: 4 HP, 1 ATK, and 1 DEF.

Lemmy: Who do you work with?

Koopa: Mostly Goombas.

Lemmy: What's your weakness when fighting Mario?

Koopa: I can be flipped when I am jumped on.

Lemmy: I never had that problem... Alright. Time for audience questions. Seat 717.

Susan: Why do you wear shorts under your shells?

Koopa: We don't want to be naked if we lose our shells. We have our dignity!

(Koopa starts playing with a Barbie doll.)

Dark Koopa: Hey! Go get Pink!

Susan: Darn. Didn't think you would see me.

(Susan digs out of the studio.)

Lemmy: Seat 549.

Wario: Do Koopa Troopas have a lot of money?

Koopa: Well, a lot of us, including me, are bankers. In fact, mine's across the street.

Wario Are you guarding your bank?

Koopa: How could I be? I'm here.

(Wario runs out of the studio.)

Koopa: Heh. I was lieing.

(A bomb is heard going off.)

Lemmy: Seat 268.

Iggy: How do you get along with Paratroopa?

Koopa: We get along fine. Did you expect there would be a problem?

Lemmy: Seat 44.

Annoying Congressman: What can I do to be elected your Congressman?

Koopa: Uhhh... leave?

Annoying Congressman: Great! Vote for me!

(Annoying Congressman leaves.)

Lemmy: Seat 81.

Ludwig: What are your plans for the future?

Koopa: I'm hoping to be playable in Mario Party 6. I should have been playable in Mario Party 5.

Lemmy: Seat 173.

Koopatrol: Do you want to join the Koopa Fighting Death Tournament?

Koopa: Sure. Sounds safe.

Koopatrol: I have to tell you though: Two Koopas enter the ring. One comes out.

Koopa: *gasp*

Koopatrol: Then the other comes out after being declared the winner.

Koopa: Alright. Let's go.

Lemmy: That's all we have for today. See you next time on-

(Lemmy runs into the crowd.)

Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!

(Lemmy runs onstage.)

Lemmy: Now, how can we end this?

(The phone rings.)

Lemmy: Hello?

Jon Stewart: Hello, Lemmy.

Lemmy: I WILL TERMINATE YOU, JON STEWART! And stop calling here.

Jon Stewart: End transmission.

Lemmy: Bat bat.