Lemmy: Hello and welcome to-
Dark Koopa: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Lemmy: Wait. Something's not right here.
Dark Koopa: Who cares? Today I Interview the ultimate coward, Waluigi.
Waluigi: I'm afraid of the interviewee chair!
Dark Koopa: Are you afraid of a dizzy attack?
Waluigi: Yes!
Dark Koopa: Then sit!
(Waluigi sits down.)
Waluigi: I overcame my fear! I'm afraid of overcoming fears!
Dark Koopa: What's that noise?
(Cuts to a TV with that stupid dancing puppet from Aqua Teen Hunger Force singing about your left and right.)
Stupid Puppet: Dance to your left. That's your left. Dance to your right. This is your right.
Waluigi: I'm afraid of my left!
Stupid Cameraman: Hey! The puppet is stealing my title!
Dark Koopa: Shut up. So Waluigi, how did you come to fear everything?
Waluigi: It was all when I was very young. I was riding my bike and I ran over a skateboard. The skateboard made me fall into a very dirty swamp. Inside the swamp, I found a corpse! The corpse karate-chopped me in the back of the head which knocked me out. I was left there unconscious for three days.
Dark Koopa: That was a very disturbing story. Especially the part with the dead body performing kung-fu. In Mario Party 3, why did you steal the Mischief Star Stamp?
Waluigi: I thought if I held the Mischief Star Stamp for ransom, the Millennium Star could make me braver in order to get it back.
Dark Koopa: How were you able to beat up Bowser in that game?
Waluigi: Wario told me Bowser called my mother fat. I don't like that sort of thing!
Dark Koopa: Can you leave the studio for a second?
Waluigi: No! Global warming is way too scary!
(Dark Koopa points to his shell.)
Dark Koopa: You don't want none of this.
(Waluigi runs outside, screaming.)
Dark Koopa: Okay, he left.
Stupid Puppet: No. That's your right.
Dark Koopa: Can someone turn that off?
Ludwig: You can't turn it off. There's no remote. Bwahahaha!
Dark Koopa: Whatever. You can come out now, Bowser.
Bowser: Good. That Waluigi guy gives me the creeps.
Audience: Huh?
Bowser: I mean, all bow to the King of Koopas!
(Waluigi runs back in, screaming.)
Bowser: Epp!
(Bowser runs away.)
Waluigi: A grasshopper tried to kill me out there!
Dark Koopa: Let's continue the Interview. Why do you dislike Luigi?
Waluigi: He scares me! Also, he's stealing all the sidekick roles. I want to be the guy known as player two!
Dark Koopa: Why did you choose a Piranha Plant as your partner in Mario Party 3?
Waluigi: I like mischievous things and Piranha Plants are mischievous. Also, plants aren't very scary.
Dark Koopa: But Piranha Plants have teeth.
Waluigi: You're right. AHH!
Dark Koopa: Time for audience questions. Seat 62.
Wendy: What is your favorite food?
Waluigi: Tofu.
Wendy: No comment.
Dark Koopa: Seat 35.
Kody: What fears have you overcome?
Waluigi: I overcame my fear of racing from Double Dash, my fear of tennis from Mario Tennis, of gold from Toadstool Tour, and of several other things from the Mario Parties.
Dark Koopa: Seat 47.
Lemmy: Do you plan on starring in your own game?
Waluigi: No way! That role is way too scary!
Dark Koopa: Seat 22.
Waluigi: Of course not! Names that start with D are way too scary! *points to Dark Koopa* Like yours!
Dark Koopa: I'll pretend you didn't say that. Seat 154.
Silver Boo: Is there anything you're not afraid of?
Waluigi: The stupid puppet.
Stupid Puppet: Dance to your right. You're gonna die.
Waluigi: Scratch that.
Ludwig: I'd like to see you turn that off without a remote.
Dark Koopa: Gladly.
(Dark Koopa starts smashing the TV with a baseball bat.)
Lemmy: Dark Koopa's busy. So I guess I'll say it. END TRANSMISSION!
Dark Koopa: Er. When am I going to say it?
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