Gloomtail: HEY! HAVE I TAKEN OVER THE WORLD YET?!
Dark Koopa: WHY ARE WE YELLING?! ALSO NO!
Gloomtail: YELLING IS KIND OF MY GIMMICK YOU KNOW. And why not?
Dark Koopa: Because you, uh, haven't done the Mario?
(Gloomtail's eyes narrow.)
Gloomtail: And... how does one do this "Mario"?
Dark Koopa: Well, basically, you-
Mario: SWING YOUR ARMS FROM SIDE TO SIDE-
Gloomtail: YOU!
Mario: Whoaaaaaaaa!
(Gloomtail chases Mario out of the studio.)
Dark Koopa: So, uh, hi.
Lemmy: Just do the Interview.
Dark Koopa: But I like stalling! Fine. Everyone please welcome, Dino Rhino!
(The audience begins to cheer but that quickly changes to screaming when Dino Rhino begins setting them on fire.)
Dark Koopa: Usually we save that for the end of the Interview.
Dino Rhino: Shut up.
Dark Koopa: I cannot. It is my job to talk, especially when it is not wanted.
(Dino Rhino sets Dark Koopa on fire.)
Dark Koopa: ... Puh-lease. Everyone knows by now I'm immortal. I have the same name as the writer, you can't kill me of-
(Dark Koopa disappears.)
Thumbs: So... Now we're here.
Pura: Why?
Thumbs: I don't know. Maybe it's because we have been underutilized lately!
Lemmy: It's because I couldn't think of anyone better to do this Interview.
Thumbs: Woohoo! We're the trump card! So Dino Rhino, why do you keep burning people? And don't try to burn us, because Pura won't like that.
Pura: I won't like it if he burns me.
Thumbs: What's the difference?
Dino Rhino: I'm burning people because I don't like people.
Pura: Okay, and why?
Dino Rhino: Well... I never thought about that.
Thumbs: People have feelings too!
Dino Rhino: I... really need to re-evaluate how I think, but I won't. People are stupid.
Thumbs: Wait a sec, I thought only Dino-Torches could breathe fire! What's goin' on?
Dino Rhino: We are Dino-Torches.
Thumbs: No, you're a Dino Rhino.
Dino Rhino: Dino-Torches are just smaller Dino Rhinos.
Pura: Then why do you never breathe fire in Super Mario World?
Dino Rhino: We're too bulky. We can't really catch Mario at that speed, so we know we're not going to hit him.
Pura: But... the way you attacked instead was even less effective.
Dino Rhino: Look, we have to stand still to breathe fire. And if we do that, it makes it really easy for him to stomp on us.
Pura: Um, but, don't Dino-Torches stand still to breathe fire too?
Dino Rhino: Pfft, yeah, maybe the dumb ones.
Pura: They all do.
Dino Rhino: No! Just the dumb ones!
Pura: There must be a lot of dumb ones.
Dino Rhino: Maybe. Not me though.
Pura: Yeah, sure.
Thumbs: How come you turn into a Dino-Torch if you get stomped?
Dino Rhino: We don't "turn" into anything when we're stomped. Like I said, Dino Rhinos are just bigger Dino-Torches. You're dumb.
Thumbs: No, you're dumb.
Dino Rhino: To answer your question, much like a Rex, when we're stomped on we get flattened, making us smaller.
Thumbs: And you suddenly feel like breathing fire?
Dino Rhino: Well duh, dummy. At a smaller size, we're faster, and we may actually hit Mario.
Thumbs: Can I drop a piano on him?
Pura: Is his name Luigi?
Thumbs: Could be. We don't know it.
Pura: Eh, it's probably like Steve or something.
Dino Rhino: How'd you know?!
Pura: ... Huh. That was a good guess.
Dino Rhino: You're dumb for guessing my name!
Thumbs: Ooh, you're gonna get it!
Pura: ... Moving on. Why are you only found on Chocolate Island?
Dino Rhino: Dino Rhinos are a rather rare species. That, and our favorite food is chocolate.
Thumbs: Is there even chocolate on Chocolate Island?
Dino Rhino: Of course there is! You're dumb!
Pura: Yes, I believe you've established you think everyone is dumb.
Dino Rhino: Everyone is!
Pura: What about those guards in Crystal Palace? Are they Dino Rhinos?
Dino Rhino: Yeah, sort of. They're an albino sub-species called Albino Dinos.
Pura: Do they work for Crystal King?
Dino Rhino: Yeah, he fed them chocolate... Couldn't get them to attack Mario though. They just wanted to try to outsmart him with some dumb puzzle. It didn't work.
Thumbs: I'm out of questions, so none for the audience. Sorry!
(The audience can be heard still sizzling.)
Pura: In that case, I believe it is time to end this Interview. Dino Rhino, please call me dumb.
Dino Rhino: Nope, I know what's going to happen. I'm not dumb like you are... Oh darn it.
(Pura grins EVILLY. Meanwhile in the heavens... what counts as the heavens in the Marioverse anyway? The Overthere? Star Haven? Well, anyway...)
Dark Koopa: Hey... Why am I dead? I'm supposed to be immortal! Send me back! And get this stupid star away from me!
Millennium Star: I think not! You are going to be playing a mini-game!
Dark Koopa: No thanks. I don't like Mario Party.
Millennium Star: You are going to be playing all the control stick rotation games on loop for all of eternity.
Dark Koopa: That's awful, but I think a lot of people have suffered through them. Can I at least play as Yoshi?
Millennium Star: No.
Dark Koopa: You monster!
Millennium Star: Ohohohoho!
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