Morton: Wellllllcome to a fantastic, wondering, glorious, superb, above average episode of-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Morton: Today we will be-
Wendy: Daaaaaad! Morton's trying to be a star! I wanna be a star!
Bowser: Morton, let your sister interview with you.
Morton: But King Dad, this is my only chance at a talk show! If me... or my bbbbbrat of a sister messes this up, I won't get another shot! Besides, this is called "Morton's Talk Show", not "Morton and Wendy's Talk Show"!
Wendy: I want it to be called "The Wendy Show". I want my name first in the title too.
Bowser: You heard her.
Morton: I am most displeased! She gets everything and I get nothing! I am clearly the greatest mind of my generation and I should be treated with respect!
Wendy: (ignoring him) Daddykins, would you like to be my security guard? Every interviewer needs a security guard!
Bowser: Of course! This will be the photo opportunity of my life!
Lemmy: Not to interrupt, but doesn't someone else normally do these?
Bowser: Don't be ridiculous, Lemmy. This has always been The Wendy Show!
Wendy: I want the interviewee chair.
Morton: Absolutely not! This is MY chair! Nobody can sit in it but me!
Bowser: I agree with Morton.
Morton: !
Bowser: You both can sit in it.
Morton: ...
Wendy: Fine.
(Wendy gets in the interviewee chair, but it's too small to fit two people. This results in a lot of yelling and screaming from all parties involved until Bowser helps Wendy into the chair. I highly doubt this will come into play later and result in WACKY SHENANIGANS. No sir.)
Lemmy: I predict wacky chair-related shenanigans.
Wendy: Duh, the author just said that.
Morton: Yeah, stupid!
(They both roll their eyes at Lemmy.)
Morton: Now then, we should unveil our awesome guest! Surely a guest that has two interviewers will be an excellent and unforgettable character indeed!
(Oogtar walks out. Morton, Wendy, Bowser, and Lemmy all glare at him.)
Oogtar: Did Oogtar forget to shower this month again?
Bowser: Who let Ratgoo in?
Lemmy: He's the interviewee... unfortunately.
Wendy: I want a new one! He smells!
Morton: And he's an idiot!
Oogtar: Oogtar is no dope, Koopa creeps!
Wendy: Oh yeah? What about that time you walked up to Wizenchester-
Wizardheimer: Wizardheimer!
Wendy: -and asked to go to his dungeon? That worked out well, didn't it?
Oogtar: I thought he was a friendly neighbor type, lizard babe.
Wendy: Ick. Do not call me a babe again. I am far too attractive for the likes of you!
Morton: Let us not get too far ahead of ourselves, bratty sister! Some viewers may not know who this Oogtar fool is! So please, enlighten us, cave dweeb, how are you a Mario character?
Oogtar: Oogtar a cave kid from the Super Mario World cartoon, dudes. Oogtar a very important character.
Wendy: And what did you add to the show besides being an even more annoying replacement for Toad?
Oogtar: ...
Wendy: Just as I thought.
Morton: Let's be fair, Wendy! Perhaps Oogtar was a useless character, but so were the cave people as a whole! Let us not forget all the times they attempted to kill or exile the Mario Gang due to their own incompetence! You'd think they were on our side... Are you on our side?
Oogtar: No way, loudmouth lizard. We like Mario Bros. Mario Bros. Oogtar friends.
Wendy: How very unfortunate... for you.
Oogtar: What bow reptile mean?
Wendy: You are dead. Not big surprise.
Oogtar: Huh?
Morton: How did you meet those forever foolish Mario Bros. anyhow?
Oogtar: Oogtar meet them through Yoshi! Dino friend then introduce me to them.
Wendy: You see that, Yoshi fans? He's far from perfect. It's his fault you all got... this guy.
Oogtar: Is Koopa girl making fun of me?
Morton: Of course not! If anything she's being kind! Regardless, if you met the Mario Bros. through Yoshi, how did you meet Yoshi?
Oogtar: Yoshi is Oogtar's classmate in Princess Peach's cave people school! Oogtar and Yoshi often got paired up for assignments.
Wendy: And how did you do in said class?
Oogtar: Oogtar get F. This is good, isn't it?
Wendy: ... No.
Oogtar: Doesn't F mean fantastic?
Morton: No, you foolish fur-brained fish head! F means failure, which also happens to summarize your entire existence!
Oogtar: ... That's cold, Koopa dude.
Wendy: Don't call him "dude".
Morton: Yeah!
Oogtar: All right all right, Koopa babe-
Morton: And don't call her "babe"!
Wendy: Yeah! You have some nerve!
Lemmy: Wooey! Looks like tensions are brewing... And speaking of brewing, I think it's time I brewed some Koopa soup, a quality product from a quality store, the Koopa Mart!
Bowser: Lemmy, that was an awful segway.
Lemmy: I know.
Wendy: Daaaad! This cave creep is a total jerk! Can we drop him into the lava pits nooooow?
Bowser: That's what I wanted to do to begin with.
Lemmy: No, no, not yet! You need to fulfill the quality standards expected in Dark Koopa's Interviews!
Morton: Dark Koopa?
Wendy: Quality standards?
Lemmy: ... Just ask more questions.
Morton: Fine. Oogtar, how do you think you'd taste, smell, and look burnt to a crisp via lava pits?
Oogtar: Oogtar don't want to think about it, man.
Morton: Tough. Answer the question.
Oogtar: Oogtar think he could use more salt.
Morton: Wendy, write that down.
(Wendy scribbles "Morton smells funny" as well as something about new shoes into her notebook.)
Wendy: Oogtar, how did you get here anyway?
Oogtar: Well... it went a little something like this...
Oogtar: Hey, a football, and not a stone. Luigi said he made it.
Roy: Look, that cave dweeb!
Larry: Let's grab 'em!
Oogtar: Oh no! Oogtar run away from Koopaling creeps!
Roy: Quit announcin' everything you do or I'm gonna pound ya!
(Oogtar jumps into a warp pipe.)
Larry: I can't believe he went into the warp pipe that leads right to the castle!
Roy: It's happened like five times already though.
Larry: Yeah... We should put up a sign or something.
Oogtar: And that's how Oogtar saved Christmas!
Wendy: You're an idiot.
Oogtar: Am not.
Morton: Curiously, what does that weak and pathetic fool, Toad, think of you replacing of him?
Oogtar: I don't know. Oogtar never met him!
Toad: ... Since Dark Koopa isn't here, does that mean I can appear without getting injured?
Morton: Of course!
Toad: I hate you, Oogtar! You're a jerk, you're stupid, and you smell!
Oogtar: Oogtar agree.
(Morton drops an anvil onto Toad.)
Toad: Hey... you guys lied.
Wendy: That's what we do, yeah.
Oogtar: Why you guys hurt Mushroom Oogtar never met?
Morton: Look, didn't we just establish we're not very nice?
Oogtar: No.
Morton: Well then! You'll get to experience how underhanded we are, personally, quite soon!
(Morton and Wendy laugh... EVILLY! Oogtar also laughs.)
Wendy: Wh-what are you doing?
Oogtar: Oogtar finds the laughing contagious.
Wendy: I hate you.
Oogtar: Oogtar get that a lot. He not sure why.
Lemmy: Hey Morton, how did you drop an anvil on Toad without getting out of that chair?
Morton: I used a lever, dear brother!
Lemmy: Grr, I want chair-related shenanigans.
Morton: Ignoring Oogtar's obvious ignorance, your Super Mario World debut was the Mario Gang looking for you in the Forest Illusion, was it not?
Oogtar: Correct.
Wendy: And why were you in the forest to begin with?
Oogtar: Oogtar live dangerous lifestyle.
Wendy: Uh... huh.
Morton: And why would the Mario Gang waste their time looking for you, anyway?
Oogtar: Oogtar think they're not too bright.
Morton: Finally, something we can agree on!
Wendy: Why is your name so stupid?
Oogtar: Oogtar didn't choose his name.
Wendy: Why are your parents so stupid?
Morton: Nobody knows, Wendy! They only appeared briefly in Rock TV!
Wendy: Why do you know this?
Morton: Because I was the star of that episode! I was the announcer and I announced the fighters like thi-
Bowser: Don't you even start.
Morton: Aw... But yeah, everyone was there! ... Except you, Wendy.
Wendy: I was busy! I needed my own ice palace.
Morton: Yeah, that went well.
Wendy: I got my own rap.
Oogtar: Oogtar think you're both losers.
Wendy: Oogtar should shut up when he's in the presence of those who can hurt him badly.
Morton: Why did you appear a few episodes in a row followed by sparse appearances?
Oogtar: Oogtar not sure. Mario Bros. say something about how annoying I am then I barely see them anymore! Oogtar still hang out with Yoshi though.
Wendy: ... Okay, seriously, Yoshi fans... Look who you're supporting here.
Oogtar: What's wrong with Yoshi?
Morton: He hangs out with you.
Oogtar: But that's a good thing.
Morton: ... Right.
Wendy: Why did you try to pull pranks on Lemmy and Iggy when they joined your class? That's the reason they tried to fry you, you know.
Lemmy: Actually-
Wendy: Shush.
Oogtar: Lemmy and Iggy are Koopa creeps. They got what they had coming.
Lemmy: The end result being your stupid school became a crater! Heehee!
Morton: How did you go to school after that incident? Seeing as you are... you, I suspect school was canceled following it.
Wendy: That or Peach is a terrible teacher.
Morton: That too!
Oogtar: School was rebuilt, unfortunately. Oogtar not like learning.
Wendy: It's understandable. People don't like things they're not good at. Anyhow, do you always wear that outfit?
Oogtar: Do you always wear that bow?
Wendy: No! Now stop trying to change the subject!
Oogtar: Yes, Oogtar always wear this. Cave people not very good at making clothes.
Morton: What a surprise! Now, would you prefer to be boiled or crushed?
Oogtar: Oogtar don't like either option.
Morton: Fine, get out. Tormenting you requires you be here longer than you have to be, and I want nothing of that.
Oogtar: Bu-
Wendy: We said get out!
(Oogtar goes to leave. Bowser pushes him down the stairs.)
Bowser: Later, Ratgoo!
Wendy: I guess we should cut the feed now.
Lemmy: No!
Wendy: What?
Lemmy: First, you should get out of that chair.
Morton: Why?
Lemmy: Because I want wacky chair-related shenanigans!
Wendy: Too bad. Anything mildly annoying happening to us will be off-screen!
Lemmy: ...
(Lemmy pushes over the chair.)
Wendy: Rude!
Morton: Jerk!
Lemmy: Lemmy's Intervi-
Wendy: The Wendy Show!
Morton: I hate you both.
Toad: End transmission. Ow.
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