Kyoni: What is this? Why am I here?Lemmy: Right?
Kyoni: Nope.
Lemmy: How dare you?! You're fired. Twice.
Kyoni: Cool. See you, then.
(Kyoni begins to leave.)
Gloomtail: STOP LEAVING AND INTRODUCE YOURSELF SO WE CAN TALK ABOUT PREVIOUS ENCOUNTERS! GOD DEMANDS IT!
Lemmy: That, and firing you twice makes you unfired. You also don't work for me. I set you up, and you don't even try. Amateur.
Kyoni: Huh?
(Lemmy exits.)
Kyoni: Eep! Uh, hey. I know you.
Gloomtail: As I know you! You were rather tasty. How did you escape, again? I must know to make sure it doesn't happen a second time!
Kyoni: Yeah, I really don't remember. Nor do I want to remember, you carnivorous jerk.
Gloomtail: Well, too bad because we're co-interviewing!
Kyoni: Ugh. Why?
Gloomtail: Lemmy said so, and I'd do what he says. He can erase you from existence! At least I think so. Never seen him do it...
Kyoni: Pfffffft. Fine, but it'd better be someone interesting.
Spookum: Hi.
Gloomtail: Who?
(Kyoni does a facepalm.)
Gloomtail: Blue Snifits aren't entertaining! Go away!
Spookum: But I'm the interviewee!
Gloomtail: Dark Koopa has already done Snifit!
Spookum: I don't see any Dark Koopas here.
Gloomtail: This is true.
Kyoni: Is this for real?
Spookum: What's so bad about me?
Gloomtail: I'll be asking the questions around here! ... Kyoni, ask him a question.
Kyoni: Who even are you, and what game do you come from?
Spookum: I'm from Super Mario RPG and I'm a blue Snifit that works for Booster!
Gloomtail: And why do you work for Booster? Why not me?!
Spookum: I find him funny. And he gives me free food. Also, I don't know you.
Gloomtail: Blasphemy!
Kyoni: Nonsense! The only Snifits I remember working for Booster were Snifit 1, 2, and 3. I don't remember anyone named Spooker.
Spookum: It's Spookum! And Snifits 1, 2, and 3 were just his top guys. All the other tower inhabitants helped him too!
Gloomtail: How do you differ from other Snifits? I demand to know!
Spookum: Well, we're more elemental than most Snifits. They shoot rocks, but we know attacks like Drain, Bolt, and Gunk Ball. We also wear blue coats only!
Kyoni: What? None of those attacks have anything to do with spooking.
Gloomtail: Yeah! Why are you called that, huh?!
Spookum: You're being awfully coherent for someone who wants to eat him.
Gloomtail: Stop using big words!
Kyoni: Answer the question! Coherently!
Spookum: Wanna know how I got this mask?
Gloomtail: Not really, but go on.
Spookum: My father... was a drinker, and a fiend. One day he came home crazier than usu-
Gloomtail: Hey, wait! This sounds familiar...
Spookum: Point is, it's not pretty under this mask. Perhaps even spooky.
Kyoni: Are all Spookums disfigured or something?
Spookum: No, not all of us. Those that aren't just wear them to fit in. Otherwise they're outcasts! Same with not-blue jackets.
Gloomtail: And why just blue jackets, huh?!
Spookum: We wanted to distinguish ourselves from Snifits, and Snifits don't wear blue jackets, so there you go.
Kyoni: I think they might have at one point, actually.
Spookum: If it was back in the Sub-con ages, it doesn't count! We chose blue!
Kyoni: Well then, how come the other Snifits aren't called Spooko? Huh? Huh?
Spookum: I told you! Only blue Snifits are called Spookum! Blue is our color! You don't have to keep asking...
Gloomtail: Yes, we do! Why blue anyway?
Spookum: Booster picked it. He likes blue.
Booster: Hi.
Gloomtail: Hello.
Booster: Hi, I'm Booster.
Gloomtail: Hi, I'm Gloomtail.
Booster: Hi.
Gloomtail: Hi.
Kyoni: ... Audience questions! Seat 563.
Piranha Plant: Mm... How does Kyoni taste with butter?
Gloomtail: A great question! How DO you taste with butter?
Kyoni: Hey, hey! I'm not the interviewee here! Ask how he tastes with butter!
Piranha Plant: But I want to know how YOU taste with butter!
Gloomtail: Don't leave the plant hanging! ... It's hanging from a pipe, right? The script doesn't specify.
Kyoni: I don't know! Knowing that would involve me covering myself with butter and eating myself.
Piranha Plant: Can you try?
Kyoni: No! Seat 214!
Lungefish: How do you taste with salt?
Gloomtail: Another good ques- Hey, wait! These questions are supposed to be about Spookum! I should be the one asking how Kyoni tastes with different condiments! Now, does anyone here have a question not involving how Kyoni tastes with something?
Silence.
Gloomtail: Well, buzz off. Because none of you are eating him!
(The audience grumbles and leaves.)
Kyoni: Thank you.
Gloomtail: I am though!
Kyoni: ... You see what you've done? You're such a jerk, that they all want to eat me instead of asking you questions!
Spookum: That hurt. I have feelings, you know.
Kyoni: What about Mario? You think it doesn't hurt him when you attack him?
Spookum: It also hurts when he attacks me back, and seeing as he usually attacks first, he's asking for it!
Kyoni: Huh. That's a good point. But you're still a subpar character.
Spookum: And what are you? A Yoshi [i]and a Lakitu? Pick one!
Kyoni: Hah! You see, even you can't think of questions to ask yourself!
Spookum: Spookum, why are you better than the interviewers on this show?
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Spookum: Yeah, that one!
Lemmy: ... Right?
Spookum: ... Right.
Lemmy: Yaaaaay!
Gloomtail: Hi. I have a question. Why havent you appeared in other games?
Spookum: Because Booster's Tower hasn't appeared in other games. You might be able to make a case that the blue Snifits in Super Mario Advance could be Spookums, but as I already said, only the ones in Booster's Tower are called that.
Kyoni: Oh hey, a question.
Spookum: Really now?
Kyoni: It says here that some of you are known as Apprentices?
Spookum: Just three or four or... I dunno exactly. There's three guys Booster liked most and said might be Snifits 4, 5 and 6. There's also another one who Booster doesn't care for that's trying to be an Apprentice as well.
Kyoni: Why are you weak to ice?
Spookum: We're not used to it, I guess. Booster's Tower is mostly a pretty warm place, hot enough that some Fireballs even live there. ... Weren't we insulting each other?
Gloomtail: I'm sorry. I wasn't listening. I was hypnotized by my own greatness. Did someone mention insults?
Kyoni: Why is your Psychopath thought "¿Qué Pasa"?
Spookum: It means "What's happening?". I'm just being nice and greeting people.
Kyoni: You're not nice. And you smell.
Spookum: All right, I've had it. You're a jerk, and you're an idiot.
(Spookum starts to leave.)
Gloomtail: Who's the jerk and who's the idiot now?
Kyoni: I'm the jerk and you're the idiot, obviously. Also, somebody should stop him.
Gloomtail: Kay then.
(Gloomtail eats Spookum.)
Kyoni: And this is why you're the idiot. Now we can't torture him anymore.
Gloomtail: I haven't eaten you yet, have I? I'm not sure.
Kyoni: Yes. You have.
Gloomtail: Well, if you're already eaten, I’d better leave and gloat about my victory over the forces of people inferior to me.
(Gloomtail exits.)
Lemmy: Hi.
Booster: Hi.
Lemmy: Hi.
Kyoni: Bye.
Wind Crystal: Whoosh.
Dark Koopa: There. You get your stupid cameo. Hope you're happy, forumers.
(The camera is hit by a bus.)
Kyoni: I'm not going to ask what a bus is doing in a studio.
Dark Koopa: Good plan.
Wind Crystal: Whoosh.
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