(Larry raises his hand. Count Blacula gnaws on it.)
Larry: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Count Blacula: Hungry.
Larry: ... AND WHERE ARE WE?!
Count Blacula: Uh, some place with trees and stuff.
Larry: The jungle?
Count Blacula: Sure.
Larry: Thrilling.
Mr. L: The Green Thunder will now conduct an Interview in the deepest jungle of jungles... Not sure where that is. Point is it's a jungle!
Count Blacula: Hi.
Larry: Hi.
Mr. L: I see I already have an audience. Good, good. Well, Audience, I shall now introduce my assistant, Gloomtail, an-
Gloomtail: What?! No.
Mr. L: -And my security guard, Swooper.
Swooper: What?! Oh wait. That's the best role.
Gloomtail: I'm not doing the worst role. At the very least swap me and Swooper.
Mr. L: You knew full well you'd be the assistant when you followed me here. Why'd you still come?
Gloomtail: That's not fair. That happened off-screen. Nobody pays attention to things that happen off-screen, including those involved.
Count Blacula: I'm an audience member?
Mr. L: Yes.
Count Blacula: Yay, I don't have to do anything!
Swooper: You're going to have to back up, Sir.
Count Blacula: What?
Swooper: Look, if you're not going to cooperate, I'm going to have to hug you.
Count Blacula: If you attempt to hug me, I'm going to attempt to eat your head.
Swooper: Err...
Gloomtail: Can we get on with this?
Mr. L: Hey, you're the assistant, you don't get to make those decisions... Now, can we get on with this please?
Gloomtail: No, we can't.
Mr. L: You're being very difficult.
Gloomtail: Part of the role... Do everything an assistant isn't supposed to do. NOT THAT I ENJOY IT.
Mr. L: Just get me a Fuzzy.
Gloomtail: No.
Jungle Fuzzy: Hello!
Gloomtail: There.
Mr. L: You idiot! I said Fuzzy, not Jungle Fuzzy!
(Mr. L hits Gloomtail with a rolled up newspaper.)
Gloomtail: ...
(Gloomtail's eyes narrow.)
Mr. L: Um... On second thought, maybe I'll get the interviewee myself.
Gloomtail: Good.
(Mr. L runs off screaming with his arms flailing around.)
Jungle Fuzzy: Does this mean no one likes me?
Count Blacula: Can I eat him?
(Count Blacula starts gnawing on the Jungle Fuzzy.)
Count Blacula: Ew, it's all fuzzy.
Jungle Fuzzy: Jungle... Fuzzy.
Count Blacula: Oh, right.
Swooper: I'm going to have to ask that you stop that.
Count Blacula: Boy, you're really playing into this security guard role, aren't you?
Swooper: I'm also going to have to ask that you don't question my authority.
Count Blacula: I'm gonna eat you.
Gloomtail: Can I leave now?
(Larry raises his hand.)
Larry: No.
Gloomtail: That wasn't a question.
A bit later...
Mr. L: The Green Thunder has returned with a Fuzzy!
Fuzzy: Gah! You're eating my cousin!
Count Blacula: Correction: ate.
Fuzzy: ...
Count Blacula: Still hungry too…
(Swooper hides behind a tree.)
Count Blacula: I can still see you.
Swooper: No you can't.
Count Blacula: Yes I can. Now get back over there and guard Luigi.
Mr. L: Not Luigi! Anyhow, welcome to-
Lemmy: Lemmy's Interview Show!
Mr. L: How...
Larry: He's really dedicated.
Mr. L: I noticed. Now, Fuzzy, I have a few questions for you.
Fuzzy: Um, no. I'm not doing an Interview right now. I'm just a bit traumatized by the fact I just saw my cousin get eaten.
Count Blacula: Deal with it.
Fuzzy: No.
Count Blacula: Would it help if I told you it wasn't very enjoyable for either of us?
Fuzzy: Not really, no.
Count Blacula: Well, I tried.
Mr. L: You're doing the Interview or you're getting eaten too, courtesy of Gloomtail.
Gloomtail: I don't eat Fuzzies.
Mr. L: As you can see, he's clearly hungry, so I suggest you start answering questions.
Gloomtail: Not really.
Mr. L: Wow! I wouldn't want to be you right now!
Fuzzy: Okay okay! Just make it quick.
Mr. L: No can do!
Gloomtail: Idiot.
Mr. L: Now, you mention that Jungle Fuzzy was your cousin. Can different types of Fuzzies be related?
Fuzzy: Yep. A Fuzzy's type and color mostly depends on where it lives. Forest ones are green and Jungle ones are yellow, for example.
Mr. L: What types of Fuzzies are there?
Fuzzy: Tons at this point. It's difficult to keep track at times. To name a few, there's Fuzzy, Forest Fuzzy, Jungle Fuzzy, Flower Fuzzy, and Gold Fuzzy.
Count Blacula: I wonder what Flower Fuzzies taste like.
Larry: I would assume like Jungle Fuzzies.
Count Blacula: I wonder what Larry tastes like.
Swooper: You should go find out.
Larry: I would assume like- HEY!
Fuzzy: ...
Mr. L: As you can see, we have a wild and craaaaazy audience today. Surely this will result in many viewers, right? My high ratings aside, what's the difference between Green Fuzzies and Forest Fuzzies?
Fuzzy: Notice I didn't mention Green Fuzzies in my list? That's because Green Fuzzies and Forest Fuzzies are the exact same thing. Green is just a nickname for them because they're, well, green.
Mr. L: Fascinating! What is with your species' obsession with shells?
Fuzzy: There is no obsession. We just liked messing with Koopas like that. All they did was whine about us bouncing. BOUNCING! Gee, what a crime!
Mr. L: So, you like bouncing?
Fuzzy: YES! BOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCEBOUNCE!
Count Blacula: So that's why my stomach has been rumbling...
Fuzzy: Jerk.
Count Blacula: Says the Fuzzy that steals Koopa shells for no reason.
Fuzzy: Touche.
Count Blacula: Thank you.
Mr. L: Where do Fuzzies typically live?
Fuzzy: Usually in trees, but it's not unlike us to have hideouts underground like in Shhwonk Fortress.
Gloomtail: So, are we going to do anything with this jungle gimmick or are we out here for no reason?
Mr. L: No reason.
(Mr. L gets mauled by a tiger.)
Gloomtail: ... Nice.
Count Blacula: Wonder what tiger tastes like.
(Count Blacula gets mauled by a tiger.)
Count Blacula: You know, I'm having second thoughts about tigers.
Mr. L: I'm in lots of pain!
Gloomtail: Good.
Mr. L: As my assistant, I command you to seek medical attention for me.
Gloomtail: No. Get your record player to do it.
Record Player: THE MAN IN GREEN! THE MAN IN GREEN!
Swooper: I thought that was destroyed.
Fuzzy: So, are we finishing this up?
Mr. L: Do I look like I'm in any condition to be asking questions?
Fuzzy: You just asked one.
Mr. L: ... You got me there. How does Flower Fuzzies’ draining of FP work?
Fuzzy: Most Fuzzies are kind of like Swoopers.
Swooper: Like me!
Fuzzy: Yes... When they bite a victim, they leech health off them. Flower Fuzzies take it a step further by draining energy instead of health, eventually using this stolen energy for a powerful attack.
Count Blacula: Swampires are better.
Swooper: Just because you have higher attack power than me, it doesn't make you better.
Count Blacula: Yes it does.
Swooper: I'm really not sure exactly where I was going with that.
Count Blacula: I win.
Gloomtail: I will destroy you both.
Lemmy: You lost to Handfake.
Larry: Gee Lemmy, that line was very relevant and intelligent.
Lemmy: I don't do intellige- Gah!
(Gloomtail chases Lemmy around.)
Mr. L: Why do you hang around Piranha Plants so much?
Fuzzy: We live in the same areas, have the same prey, and our attack styles compliment each other. Seems like the perfect team to me.
Mr. L: Do you work for Bowser or any other major villain?
Fuzzy: Not really. For the most part we just attack anything we can get energy or health off of. Bleck kidnapped some Fuzzies, but they still didn't do much beyond what all other Fuzzies do.
Mr. L: I noticed personally a lot of you like to hang onto blocks and such in Mario World.
Fuzzy: Personally?
Mr. L: Wait, no, not personally!
Fuzzy: Well, yeah. Fuzzies have an easy time attaching themselves to stuff so we can get the most of an attack when we get close. We attached ourselves to blocks so we could get Mario or Luigi when they were higher up.
Mr. L: You'd never get me!
Fuzzy: Um?
Mr. L: Disregard that.
Count Blacula: Luigi.
Mr. L: No.
Swooper: LUIGI!
Mr. L: *sigh*
Swooper: Hug?
Mr. L: No.
Fuzzy: Can't you guys just leave Mr. L alone?
Count Blacula and Swooper: No.
Mr. L: I kind of like you, Fuzzy. Maybe I'll give you the antidote to the poison you just drank.
Fuzzy: ...
Mr. L: So how does that splitting thing work?
Fuzzy: Like cells, I guess. Kind of hard to explain without all that science mumbo jumbo.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Mr. L: Yes?
Larry: Are we having audience questions?
Mr. L: Haven't you two spoken enough already?
Larry: No.
Count Blacula: I vote audience questions!
Swooper: Me too!
Mr. L: Swoopers and Swampires aren't allowed to vote.
Swooper: Aww.
Count Blacula: Jerk.
Mr. L: Still not having them. Now, I must make a call.
Fuzzy: In the middle of an Interview?
Mr. L: Yes.
(Mr. L takes out his cell phone and dials a number.)
Pura: Hello?
Mr. L: Is your refrigerator running?
Pura: ...
Mr. L: Your mother.
(Mr. L hangs up.)
Pura: I'm sending a tiger after him.
Mr. L: That out of the way, what's with Gold Fuzzies? Or is there only one?
Fuzzy: They're rare, but there's definitely more than one. They're kind of like the Amazee Dayzees of Fuzzies, except less cowardly.
Mr. L: The Gold Fuzzy that Mario fought was kind of weak.
Fuzzy: That's because it was a young Gold Fuzzy. It hadn't got all of its power yet.
Count Blacula: Or because you're Fuzzies.
Fuzzy: What's that supposed to mean?
Count Blacula: Fuzzies aren't exactly known for being big, scary enemies.
Fuzzy: I really don't like you.
Count Blacula: I get that from a lot of people, not sure why.
Larry: Maybe it's because you like to eat their heads.
Count Blacula: Do not.
(Count Blacula starts gnawing on Larry's head.)
Larry: Ow!
(Larry raises his hand.)
Larry: Help!
Mr. L: Well, I think that's all. I’d better go before something bad hap-
(Mr. L is mauled again by a tiger.)
Fuzzy: Where's my antido- Ick!
(Fuzzy keels over.)
Swooper: Woo... yeah. Now, end tra-
(Gloomtail stops chasing Lemmy.)
Gloomtail: Wait! I forgot to reveal my plan for world domination last time! I will do it now.
Swooper: Okay.
Gloomtail: Now, mortals, like I was saying last time... First, you all buy Spiny eggs from Bob's Pet Store. Then you-
(The screen goes black.)
Gloomtail: Fools!
Whoops! You're not logged in! |