Dark Koopa: Quite frankly, I'm sick of interviewing Goombas.
Thumbs: You haven't interviewed that many.
Dark Koopa: One is too many. So to lessen the pain, I brought the Scout from Team Fortress 2. Dunno what that is? Too bad, I'm not explaining.
Scout: Let's play ball!
Dark Koopa: ... Sure.
(Dark Koopa tosses a baseball into the back of the studio. The Scout takes out an aluminum bat and chases after it.)
Bullet Bill: Aluminum!
Scout: Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!
Bullet Bill: Ow!
Thumbs: Um... How exactly is he going to help anything?
Dark Koopa: ... I'm not sure. Anyhow, I guess I'll interview the stupid Goomba.
Frankly: While I'd hate to disagree with the host of this show, most consider me rather intelligent.
Dark Koopa: Doubt it. What makes you intelligent?
Frankly: Well, I am a former professor at the University of Goom.
Dark Koopa: Never heard of it.
Frankly: Well, I taught a somewhat famous Goomba named Goombella.
Dark Koopa: Stopped listening after "Goomba". So it's a stupid Goomba school, eh? Not hard to be considered intelligent among your own kind.
Frankly: ... I'm going to ignore the stupid comments.
Dark Koopa: You're stupid.
Frankly: ... Anyway, it's not a school strictly for Goombas. I also had a student named Kolorado. Perhaps you've heard of him?
Dark Koopa: He's stupid too. He fell in lava.
Frankly: He's reckless, not stu-
Dark Koopa: Silence, inferior being! I demand we check up on the Scout.
Scout: Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!
Toad: You get away with that bat.
Scout: I'm gonna headbutt ya!
Toad: Eep!
(The Scout chases Toad out of the studio.)
Dark Koopa: Man, what a useless character.
Thumbs: The Scout or Toad?
Dark Koopa: Both. Now Professor Frankly stupid.
Frankly: I would appreciate it if you would not insult me all the time.
Dark Koopa: Why, idiot?
Frankly: Because if you insult me one more time, I'm leaving.
Dark Koopa: We'll see about that, moron.
Frankly: Right. Bye then.
(Frankly starts to get up and leave.)
Dark Koopa: Hey, you can't do that! ... Can he?
Thumbs: Well, technically...
Dark Koopa: Pura! Stop him!
Pura: No.
Dark Koopa: Do it, slave!
Pura: What'd you call me?
Dark Koopa: Uh, nooothing.
Pura: Good.
(Frankly exits.)
Dark Koopa: Well, darn. But I still get paid.
Lemmy: No you don't. That was only, like, three questions.
Dark Koopa: Why must you appear at the most inconvenient times to assert your authority?!
Lemmy: It's fun.
Dark Koopa: Don't you have better things to do? Like defeat the Mario Bros?
Lemmy: Everyone knows every character in existence sits in the audience in hopes of getting a cameo.
Dupree: Hi.
Lemmy: See?
Dark Koopa: Dupree doesn't count. Only, like, five people know who he is.
Dupree: Aww...
Lemmy: Anyway, finish the Interview or you get no pay.
Dark Koopa: When have I ever got pay?
Lemmy: Episode 63.
(Lemmy exits.)
Dark Koopa: Lame. Pura, go get Frankly.
Pura: No.
Dark Koopa: You do not say no to your master!
Pura: Excuse me?
Dark Koopa: Uh, nooooothing.
Pura: Good.
Dark Koopa: Well, Thumbs obviously won't do it.
(Thumbs whistles and sips a slushie.)
Dark Koopa: So we'll have to get the Scout to do it!
...
Dark Koopa: Where's the Scout?
Several miles away...
Toad: Gaaaah!
Scout: I'm gonna headbutt ya! I'm gonna headbutt ya!
Back to the studio...
Dark Koopa: Ugh, fine, I'll do it myself. But one of you two will do something by the end of this Interview.
Pura and Thumbs: (in unison) No we won't.
(Dark Koopa exits. The audience cheers.)
Dark Koopa: I heard that!
(The audience cheers louder.)
Dark Koopa: ...
Later...
Dark Koopa: Right, so here's his house. Talking to myself is easier than having a line of narration.
(Dark Koopa knocks.)
Frankly: Yes?
Dark Koopa: Can we finish the Interview?
Frankly: No, you were rude to me and that's not nice.
Dark Koopa: Well, what if I asked politely?
Frankly: I want you to apologize.
Dark Koopa: Fine, sorry you're so stupid.
Frankly: ... You're not going to leave me alone until I do your Interview, are you?
Dark Koopa: Nope.
Frankly: Fine, I'll do it.
***
(Pura's cell phone rings.)
Thumbs: I want a cell phone still...
Pura: Hello?
Mr. L: Knock knock.
Pura: Didn't you promise last time I answered your stupid joke that'd you leave me alone?
Mr. L: Well, this time it's different.
Pura: *sigh* Fine. Who's there?
Mr. L: Your mother.
(Mr. L hangs up.)
Thumbs: That wasn't very different at all.
Pura: ... I'm getting a new number.
Thumbs: Well, I think I'm gonna go do something.
Pura: But then Dark's prediction of us doing something will come true.
Thumbs: Eh.
***
Dark Koopa: Next question... uh, what's with the glasses?
Frankly: I got them from Profressor E. Gadd. We went to school together. Wait, we're doing the Interview here?
Dark Koopa: Why not? No Thumbs, no Pura, no audience.
Frankly: No cameras.
Dark Koopa: Uh... So anyway, what's with the hair? You old?
Frankly: I'm old for a Goomba, yes.
Dark Koopa: How'd you find about the first Crystal Stars?
Frankly: I read about it in one of many books. I have quite the library.
Dark Koopa: That looks like all you have in this tiny house. Where's, like, your fridge and stuff?
Frankly: This room is my library. The rest of my things are in the basement.
Dark Koopa: So you sleep in a basement?
Frankly: Indeed.
Dark Koopa: Is it your mom's basement?
Frankly: ... No.
Dark Koopa: I'm guessing you read a lot. Find out any other info?
Frankly: A ton of information on the Crystal Stars, and other unrelated stuff.
Dark Koopa: Like?
Frankly: Grass is green.
Dark Koopa: It's brown sometimes too!
Frankly: Yes, yes it is.
Dark Koopa: See? I'm smart.
Frankly: No comment.
Dark Koopa: How were you able to get in The Thousand-Year Door without the Crystal Stars?
Frankly: Mario had already opened it with them, of course.
Dark Koopa: Now for audience questions!
Frankly: ... There is no audience.
Dark Koopa: Seat 41.
Frankly: ...
***
Rex: Did you put up any kind of fight when Doopliss knocked you out?
Pura: ... Wha?
***
Dark Koopa: An excellent question!
Frankly: ... I am confused.
Dark Koopa: And here I thought you could break the fourth wall and read the script.
Frankly: I can! I read how in a book!
Dark Koopa: Then why can't you read that Rex's question?
Frankly: I wasn't expecting that... Well, fine. The answer to your question is no, not really. I'm not exactly quick and powerful because I'm-
Dark Koopa: A Goomba?
Frankly: No, it's because of my age.
***
Rex: Aww, he's not answering me...
Lord Crump: Buhuhuh! I can see his answer!
Pura: ... Whatever.
***
Dark Koopa: Oh really? Well, what if I do this?
(Dark Koopa kicks Frankly.)
Frankly: Then I'd say Interview over.
(Dark Koopa kicks Frankly again.)
Frankly: Interview over.
Dark Koopa: I don't care. I have enough questions by now anyway!
(Dark Koopa runs out of the house, laughing evilly.)
Frankly: What a rude Koopa.
Voice: Frankly dear, did you take out the trash?
Frankly: In a moment, mother!
***
Dark Koopa: Right, I did the Interview. Pay me now!
Lemmy: Who are you?
Dark Koopa: ... I give up.
Thumbs: I'm back! And I brought the Scout!
Dark Koopa: That's a different Scout.
Scout 2: Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!
Thumbs: Sounds the same.
(The original Scout runs in.)
Scout 1: I'm gonna headbutt ya! I'm gonna headbutt ya!
Scout 2: Bonk! Bonk! Bonk! Bonk!
Scout 1: I'm gonna headbutt ya! I'm gonna headbutt ya!
Dark Koopa: Definitely never doing this again.
(Scout 1 smashes the camera.)
Scout 1: Boink!
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