Dark Koopa: It is time to continue my trend of interviewing Paper Mario characters.
(Larry raises his hand from the audience.)
Dark Koopa: What?
Larry: The Fake Millennium Star isn’t in Paper Mario.
Dark Koopa: Shaddup. Now-
(Larry raises his hand again.)
Dark Koopa: What now?
Larry: Aren’t you going to congratulate me for paying attention to your Interviews?
Dark Koopa: Lemmy probably paid you.
Larry: … So?
Dark Koopa: Go away.
Larry: Can’t.
Dark Koopa: Why not?
Larry: Won’t get my money from Lemmy.
Dark Koopa: So he’ll pay you to watch my Interviews, but won’t pay me for actually doing them?
Larry: He gives you Koopaling votes.
Dark Koopa: Which I used to vote for you, meaning you benefit again.
Larry: Exactly!
Dark Koopa: Well, Koopaling votes won’t put food on the table… or get me the table for that matter.
Larry: Well, what are you going to do about it?
Dark Koopa: I… Nothing.
Larry: Oh, and you voted for Wendy too. Why not just me?
Dark Koopa: Sympathy. She’s in last place.
Wendy: I am?!
Dark Koopa: Yes.
Wendy: Well, I’ll just kill everyone ahead of me!
Larry: Uh oh.
Dark Koopa: You’d still be in last. There would just be less people you’d be behind.
Wendy: King Dad, nobody’s voting for me!
Bowser: You gonna cry about it?
(Wendy throws a tantrum.)
Bowser: … Why did I say that?
Dark Koopa: Maybe now I can get to the Interview, but first I must introduce my new assistant and security guard!
(A Lakitu and purple Yoshi walk out.)
Dark Koopa: They should be much more exciting than Thumbs and Pura… Right?
(Larry raises his hand again.)
Dark Koopa: … Yes?
Larry: Where’s Thumbs and Pura?
Dark Koopa: They died. Anyway-
(Larry raises his hand yet again.)
Dark Koopa: …
Larry: Died from what?
Dark Koopa: From Larry not shutting up.
Larry: Awesome.
Dark Koopa: Moving on-
(Larry raises his hand again.)
Dark Koopa: Who let this guy appear on this show?
Larry: I saw Thumbs and Pura in the snack bar five minutes ago.
Dark Koopa: Nobody wants to hear your lies.
Larry: But-
Dark Koopa: Shut it! Anyway, my guest is Frost Piranha!
Lakitu: Uh, this paper thing says you don’t want to interview Piranha Plants because they always eat you.
Yoshi: I’m hungry…
Dark Koopa: Oh, right. Larry, you wanna interview this thing?
Larry: No.
Dark Koopa: Darn it. Wendy?
(Wendy can be seen still having a tantrum.)
Dark Koopa: Lame. Fine, I’ll do it.
Frost Piranha: I’m hungry…
Dark Koopa: The foreshadowing is enraging me. Hm, maybe if I ask this early, it’ll be forgotten later. What do you like to eat?
Frost Piranha: Cold things.
Dark Koopa: Like…?
Frost Piranha: Iced Potatoes, ice cream, Gulpits…
Dark Koopa: I thought you used to team with Gulpits.
Frost Piranha: We did until we found out how tasty they are. Why do you think you don’t see them after Paper Mario?
Dark Koopa: I figured they questioned the Marioverse’s logic. Like Mechakoopas.
Frost Piranha: So that’s where Mechakoopas went…
Dark Koopa: Any non-cold things?
Frost Piranha: Lakitus, Yoshis, and Koopas.
Dark Koopa: I had to ask…
Frost Piranha: Oh, and plumbers.
Dark Koopa: So you eat someone based on their occupation?
Frost Piranha: Are there plumbers besides Mario and Luigi?
Dark Koopa: Quite likely.
Frost Piranha: Okay, not plumbers then. Mario and Luigi.
Dark Koopa: Nameless Yoshi and Lakitu, don’t you have some sort of reaction to this guy wanting to eat you?
Lakitu: Can I be the cameraman?
Dark Koopa: No. They are trained professionals.
(The cameraman can be seen with a closeup on a pineapple.)
Yoshi: You got any grapes?
Dark Koopa: No.
Yoshi: I like grapes.
Dark Koopa: Awesome.
Frost Piranha: Never said I’d eat them.
Dark Koopa: What about me?
Frost Piranha: I’ll think about it.
Dark Koopa: Joy. I take it you like cold places?
Frost Piranha: Yep.
Dark Koopa: Why were you in the Underwhere then?
Frost Piranha: It’s cold there.
Dark Koopa: It is? But I see no snow or anything.
Frost Piranha: Well, it’s not as good as, say, Fahr Outpost or Shiver Mountain, but it’s livable.
Dark Koopa: Don’t plants like you need sunlight?
Frost Piranha: Not really. Piranha Plants appear all the time in caves and such. And if we really are in need, we can just dig to somewhere with some sunlight, like maybe the Overthere.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Dark Koopa: Oh boy, Larry wants to say something.
Larry: Where’s the chaos?
Dark Koopa: What?
Larry: From what I recall, your Interviews have lots of chaos.
Dark Koopa: Chaos usually results in someone getting hurt.
Count Blacula: RANDOM DISTRACTION!
Dark Koopa: Who keeps letting him in here?
Larry: Who cares if someone gets hurt? It’s funny.
Dark Koopa: Fine.
(Dark Koopa attempts to drop a sandbag on Larry, but it lands on Bowser instead.)
Bowser: Ow.
Dark Koopa: Just ow?
(Bowser explodes.)
Dark Koopa: …
Larry: Good job.
Dark Koopa: Security!
Yoshi: Yes?
Dark Koopa: Throw Larry out, please and thank you.
Yoshi: Does he have grapes?
Dark Koopa: I don’t know.
Yoshi: Ask.
Dark Koopa: … Larry, do you have grapes?
Larry: Nope.
Dark Koopa: He doesn’t.
Yoshi: Then I don’t care.
Dark Koopa: …
Frost Piranha: I’m getting hungrier…
Dark Koopa: Fine fine. Um… Your favorite Koopaling?
Frost Piranha: They’re all equally tasty.
Dark Koopa: Wanna eat Larry then?
Frost Piranha: Not really. I like Koopas of the dark variety.
Dark Koopa: … Moving on. Why in Paper Marios 1 and 2 do you allow Mario to jump on you instead of pointing your teeth in the air?
Frost Piranha: Too big. Can’t lift my bulb up like that for very long. I need a pipe to hold onto.
Dark Koopa: Do you have any connections to Bowser, the Crystal King, Grodus, or Count Bleck?
Frost Piranha: Used to work for Bowser, but got fired for eating his Gulpits. Now we just run around and eat things in cold places. Except we don’t actually run because we don’t have legs. I’ve heard of Crystal King, but I dunno the other two.
Dark Koopa: Are all of you that light blue color or do you come in different colors?
Frost Piranha: Well, some are less light blue than others. I think I even saw a purple Frost Piranha once, but yeah, a majority of us are light blue.
Dark Koopa: You ever appear in non-cold places?
Frost Piranha: Not often… We tend to die if our body temperature gets too high.
(Dark Koopa can be seen turning up the heat.)
Dark Koopa: I think I’m out of questions.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Dark Koopa: End tran-
Larry: Nope.
Dark Koopa: What do you want now?
Larry: Since the Interview’s over, doesn’t that mean you’re going to get eaten?
Dark Koopa: That’s why I was trying to end it, jerk.
Frost Piranha: Hungry… and hot.
Larry: Stupid Frost Piranha’s stalling.
(A sandbag falls on Frost Piranha.)
Dark Koopa: Woohoo!
Frost Piranha: I’m not dead.
Dark Koopa: Fine. More questions. Your bulb sensitive?
Frost Piranha: Yes.
(Dark Koopa starts stomping on Frost Piranha.)
Frost Piranha: Ow!
(Larry raises his hand.)
Dark Koopa: Shut up.
Larry: No. Why am I the only audience member really talking?
Toad: Because if we talk, bad things will happen to us.
(A sandbag falls on Toad.)
Frost Piranha: I was joking about eating you, you know. Now can you please stop hurting me?
Dark Koopa: Really?
Frost Piranha: Nope.
(Frost Piranha eats Dark Koopa.)
Dark Koopa: Insert annoyed expression.
Larry: Haha!
Frost Piranha: You’re not very tasty at all.
Dark Koopa: Well, you ever spit up anything?
Frost Piranha: Yeah, one time. It was some smelly sewer Koopa that interviewed me for a Koopaling vote.
(Frost Piranha spits up Dark Koopa.)
Dark Koopa: I demand a second Koopaling vote for that stunt.
Lemmy: No.
Dark Koopa: …
(Dark Koopa drops a sandbag on Lemmy.)
Dark Koopa: Totally can’t get fired for that.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Dark Koopa: I hate you.
Larry: I thought you were out of questions.
Dark Koopa: I thought of more. Now Frost Piranha, why don’t you appear in Frappe Snowland or something?
Frost Piranha: We’d get run over.
Dark Koopa: Didn’t stop the Freezegoods. Besides, you could eat someone driving by.
Frost Piranha: Good idea!
Dark Koopa: So what’s with the ice breath, or is it obvious?
Frost Piranha: Likely obvious. We just breathe the cold air around us.
Dark Koopa: Figures. Well, now I’m out of questions.
Frost Piranha: Can I leave now?
Dark Koopa: After you eat Larry.
Frost Piranha: Too much effort.
Dark Koopa: I’ll be your best friend.
Frost Piranha: No. You smell.
(Frost Piranha exits.)
Dark Koopa: Why doesn’t that ever work?
(Larry raises his hand.)
Dark Koopa: Don’t do it.
Larry: Because you do smell.
Dark Koopa: I said don’t do it.
Larry: Too bad.
Dark Koopa: Whatever. That’s all we have for today.
(Larry raises his hand.)
Dark Koopa: If only this was Larry interviewing Dark Koopa. What?
Larry: Since it’s the end of the Interview, aren’t Thumbs and Pura coming back?
Dark Koopa: No, I replaced them with these no-namers.
(The Lakitu and Yoshi can be seen sleeping on the studio floor.)
Dark Koopa: They’re much more exciting.
Larry: Oh please. They’ll be back before this submission ends.
12 hours later…
Larry: Any minute now.
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