Lemmy: Hi! I'm Lemmy Koopa, and I'm here today on a NORMAL Interview with someone we've all heard of but probably don't know very much about. Of course, I mean the King of Mushroom Kingdom!

The King: That's The King! Not the King!

Lemmy: Sorry.

(Lemmy stands and claps politely as The King walks onstage and makes his way to his chair.)

The King: Thank you! Thank you! Ouch!

Lemmy: So... The King... do you mind if I call you by your first name?

The King: Nope, go right ahead!

Lemmy: Er... what is your first name anyway?

The King: I'm not sure! Everyone just calls me The!

Lemmy: Okay, The. So, tell us a little about yourself.

The King: Well, I'm The King of Mushroom Kingdom. I have a daughter named Peach Toadstool. And... that's about all I know.

Lemmy: Huh? Are you sure you're not forgetting something?

The King: Oh, I'm sure I'm forgetting lots of stuff! I just can't remember what it is.

Lemmy: Is Toadstool your last name, or was it your wife's maiden name?

The King: Well, I'm pretty sure it's not my last name, but, to tell you the truth, I don't have the foggiest idea who my wife was! In fact, I only know that Peach is my daughter because everyone tells me so.

Lemmy: Are you and Peach close? Or maybe are you at odds in a power struggle?

The King: Power? What power? No, Peach and I are very close. Why, I believe she even said "hello" to me this morning! That's a lot more respect than I get from that no-good Mario!

Lemmy: Oh? So you don't like Mario?

The King: Mario who?

Lemmy: Mario Mario! The one you said was no good.

The King: Oh yes! Well, one time Bowser came and took over everything, and he locked me in some room somewhere. I think I was watching golf, and anyway I was having a jolly good time, and then Mario busted in and, as he called it, saved me. I should have him hung for treason!

Lemmy: That's very interesting! Have you heard the rumors that Peach and Mario may be getting married?

The King: No.

Lemmy: Well, how do you feel about that?

The King: Doesn't matter to me.

Lemmy: No? But you just said you didn't like Mario.

The King: I did?

Lemmy: Yup!

The King: Oh, sorry! Mario's not so bad! Why, once I remember when Bowser had kidnapped me and he made me watch golf and I was having a horrid time and then Mario came and rescued me!

Lemmy: Well, at least we have some idea what happened! Speaking of Bowser, how do you feel about the Koopas?

The King: The Koopas? Oh, they're nice chaps! Why, I remember this one time when Bowser came and let me watch golf and-

Lemmy: Do you watch any sports other than golf?

The King: Nah. All those other games confuse me. But golf! Just get the ball in the hole! So simple...

Lemmy: Do you like ruling the Mushroom Kingdom?

The King: I don't remember the last time I made a new law. Usually, I watch golf instead. But I can't remember the last time I did that either.

Lemmy: I heard Peach say that she was the real ruler of Mushroom Kingdom. What do you think of that?

The King: Honored! Peach must want to be me! Like father like daughter!

Lemmy: I have this quote which was said by someone who claims they know you well. It goes, "He is a real pushover! Why, without The King, I'd have a hard time trying to take over the Mushroom Kingdom!" Do you have any idea who may have said that?

The King: Uh... Mommy?

Lemmy: Do you remember your mother?

The King: Remember who?

Lemmy: I'll take that as a no. But, about the quote...

The King: Tiger Woods? Didn't he get a hole-in-one once?

Lemmy: I... really don't know. Say, just how old are you?

(The King starts counting on his fingers, then his toes, then he takes off his green Mushroom cap and starts counting the rings inside.)

The King: Elevendyleven. That, or it might be elevendytwelve. Or so.

Lemmy: ...

The King: Did I mention I like golf? I am The King, you know.

Lemmy: I think we've learned everything we could possible want to know, don't you?

The King: I didn't learn a thing!

Lemmy: Er... well, thank you, The, for a great Interview!

The King: Huh?

(Lemmy escorts The King off stage amidst applause from those who had previously fallen asleep and are relieved that the Interview is over.)

Lemmy: This concludes another one of my famous Interviews. Hey, and nothing weird happened this time! Be sure to tune in next time when I interview-

Morton: Did someone say wedding cake?!

Lemmy: Quick! Cut to commercials!

Morton: Where's the cake?

Lemmy: Good, we're off the air! Morton, there's no cake, you idiot! You're about as stupid as this whole Interview! Why, I have a good mind to slug you right in the... why is that red light still on?! What the? ON THE AIR?! I said cut! Who's re-