Lemmy: Start transmission!

Lakitu: Rolling.

Lemmy: (ahem) I'm Lemmy Koopa, and I am here to answer more of your letters. Er, I mean, I'm here to conduct an Interview. I am here with video game star Cranky Kong. Cranky, will you please come out here and join me?

Cranky: You can't expect me to go out there! Your studio is a heap of junk, just like Donkey's place! Why, when my father said to clean up, I did, and there was no talkin' back either like you kids do today!

Lemmy: Ha ha ha! Cranky Kong, always a kidder. Ah, so now come on out here, Crankster.

(Cranky walks sloowly onto the stage, grumbling the whole way.)

Ten minutes later...

(Cranky is seated.)

Lemmy: Come on, move faster!

Cranky: (whispering) I'm here, lumphead!

Lemmy: What? Oh, uh, so Cranky! Why did you invite yourself onto my show?

Cranky: I "invited myself onto your show" to show whippersnappers like you a lesson in respect!

Lemmy: Can you start by giving me a lesson in vocabulary? What's a whiddersnadder?

Cranky: (shaking his head) Go look it up after the show.

Lemmy: Will do! So, how are you related to Mario?

Cranky: If you don't know that, you don't know nothing! Which is what I expected anyway. Bowser is a cousin to that loser K. Rool who always plagues my island, since he obviously has nothing better to do with his constantly wasted time.

Lemmy: ... Ok, but how are you related to Mario?

Cranky: (whispering) Next question! Ask the next question!

Lemmy: OH! Um, so Cranky, there are rumors that you were the star in the original Donkey Kong alongside Mario, not your son. True or... what's that word say?

Cranky: Untrue, you illiterate toad! And untrue is the answer as well. Just let me meet the guy that started that rumor! I'll knock him around so he doesn't know what's who anymore, if he knows that sort of stuff anyway! I would never stoop to being in a video game anyway.

Lemmy: But weren't you-

Cranky: (whispering) Stick to the script!

Lemmy: Um... oh yeah! So, what do you think the Koopas should try next in order to defeat Mario?

Cranky: Obviously, you will need to play mind games with him, since he has none to play back with. Have Ludwig or someone at least twice as smart as you come up with a Plitian version of the American tax code, and make Mario fill it out. That should knock him out.

Lemmy: Nah, that would never work... I mean, great idea, Cranky! I'll try it out, son.

Cranky: That's "soon", not "son"! I should've never come on this show.

Lemmy: No yelling on my set! Um... that's all the time we have tonight! So-

Lakitu: You still have two minutes.

Lemmy: Aw, so show an add for Big O. Pants or something!

Commercial Voice: Big O. Pants! The only one-size-fits-all pair of pants that can also be used as a storage shed! With Big O. Pants, you never have to worry about getting dressed again! It will cover your entire body, and it won't come off! It doesn't need washing because it comes pre-stained! Give Big O. Pants as a gift your family and friends will never forget! Big O. Pants has sold for prices as high as 59.99, but now you can buy a pair of your own for just 79.99! But that's not all! Call within the next ten minutes, and we'll also send you two pairs of Big O. Underpants forscaring away pesky neighbors, and one Big O. Shoe for cutting fruit cake! This package is valued at 7.99 (screen shows "Only in Knights of Malta, less in other places." in really small type), but you can get it all for just 99.99 if you call in the next ten minutes! So call now! The number is-

Lemmy: Man, what a stupid commercial! Who'd wanna buy a pair of Bug A. Pants?

Lakitu: You're pretty stupid yourself, Lemmy. If you make any mistakes in your next Interview, I'll have you fired.

Lemmy: Yeah, well same to gah! We're still on the air! End transmission!