Once upon a time there was a magical being named wait I can't remember his name. I know he was some kind of a mad genius. Right! He said, “I'm a mad genius not a plumber!” Hmmm... I remember now! His name was Luigi! Yeah! Luigi is my brother wait he isn't then who is he? I think he is my great aunt but he really isn't all that great because he wears this stupid hat with a letter on it but I can't read or write. I think he speaks French which is even worse because I don't like French and also I don't like it. He has a conscience thing named Mario who is some kind of a worm and definitely doesn't have much control over who he's supposed to have control over. Anyway Luigi is not magical but he is supposed to be but tough darts. Their friend is Peach she is a Princess I think of mold. That's fine with me because I don't like mold except that it's dang tasty. They have another friend he's a monster named Yoshi and he has no head but he eats anyway. Together they call themselves the dinner squad but I only remember them eating 100 times as much as normal not 101. I am magical because I'm clever and I have some kind of weapon but I lost it somewhere maybe I gave it to Yoshi for dinner. I wish I could remember my name but I have some kind of disease maybe I'm dead but anyway everything is kind of blurry weird. I know I have 6 siblings and I think 1 of them's job is to sit in electric chairs because he has wacky hair. One of them is my personal bully I don't like him but it's tough darts I guess. One is a stud at least I think he is but he's kind of weird. Then I have a wife but I don't know what her name is or what she looks like but I remember she screams because she is screaming at me now only I can't understand what she's saying. Then there's the life insurance agent and the double spy I should tell dad about oh yeah I have one but I can't remember where he lives. I think his name is Bongo and he is very sweet. I know I never had a mother because. Oh yeah, I think my name is Linguini and I am a cream pie only I don't have any whipped cream yet. Maybe my wife is yelling at me to put some on I don't know and I really don't care because I don't like her. I have a dog named Bialy but I can't find the hole. I have a cat named Pityful and I guess that's true enough because he meows all night and I can't sleep and I don't know what he wants I think he wants me to read him a story but I can't read so tough darts. I'm feeling dizzy so I think I had better go slam my head into a wall wait that would spatter my cream oh well I taste yucky anyway and then if I'm spattered my great aunt and he worm can't eat me and I'll turn into mold and my wife will leave and maybe I can scare my bully and then hide on the spy until I can but some insurance tell the stud what I think of him eat the mold Princess because I'm revolting and then live a nice life in the chair sitter's hair after giving my father the weapon the monster ate by doing some kind of dissection and handing back my contract and my heart.